How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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Trying To Find A Date!

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat.

During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.

Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar.

He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women.

Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.

Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, ‘Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women – what’s his secret? He’s as ugly as sin and I’m everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night – What’s going on?’

‘Well,’ Said the Barman, ‘I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a few drinks, and just sits there licking his eyebrows…’

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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.""Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her ********ing appendix out!"

[bruggz351]

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students:
“Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom. Michael?”
Michael: “Just a minute, I have to go pee.”
Teacher: “That would be rude and impolite!!!
Teacher: “What about you Peter? How would you say it?”
Peter: “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”
Teacher: “That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?”
Johnny: “I would say: ‘Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you’ll get to meet after supper. ”
The teacher fainted!

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I've just come out of my local Chip Shop with a Meat and Potato Pie, Large Chips, Rissole, Mushy Peas and a Jumbo Sausage.
A poor, immigrant homeless man sat there and said "I've not eaten for three days".
I told him "******** me, I wish I had your Will Power".

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My mother in law came into my work today, and I must admit I was genuinely pleased to see her.
.
.
I'm an undertaker...

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My girlfriend asked me what the female version of a Man-Cave was...
I told her it's called a Kitchen!''

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My woman got in the shower with me this morning.
She said "Mmm baby I want you to do bad things to me"
So I put shampoo in her eyes.