How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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Family driving behind a dustbin lorry when a large dildo flies out and hits the windscreen. To hide her embarrassment the mother turns and says to her young kids 'my that was a big insect'. To which her 7 yr old son says 'I'm surprised it could fly with a cock that size!!..

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My mate at work has got the right hump,someone nicked his wife's knickers off the line.it's not the pair of knickers he's worried about it's the twenty two ********in pegs!...

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A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.

"Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."

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A bloke is visiting his mother in a mental hopsital when in the same room he comes across a guy moving his arms around and making beeping noises.
"Excuse me", he asks him. "What on earth are you doing?"
"I'm driving my car!, says the guy excitedly. "Beep beep!"
"You ********ing nutter, you're not in a car, you're in a mental hospital!"
A voice comes from the bed opposite. "Mate, shut the ******** up will you, he's giving me twenty quid a day to wash it!!..

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A glass of wine
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine and those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand:
As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials,
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day,
at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop annually..
However, We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of Shit .
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service

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Funny that when you hear a man's name, you can instantly work out his nationality:
Paolo - Italian
Pierre - French
Diego - Argentinian
Sven - Swedish
Klaus - German
Mohammed - British!!..

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Paddy stumbles across a mass baptism at a river.
He walks into the river and stands next to the preacher.
"Are you ready to find Jesus my son?"
Paddy says, "I am sir."
The preacher puts him under the water then says, "Have you found Jesus?"
"No sir."
He puts him under for longer. "Have you found Jesus?"
"No sir."
He puts him under for two minutes. "Have you found Jesus?"
Paddy says, "Are you ********ing sure this is where he fell in?