How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[Dustbowl]

Love it Bruggz!!

[layback40]

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of
jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday."
On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it?"
"I used a diagram, Your Honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big
circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"
"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"Wow!" says the judge.. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed
to the little circle and said, 'This is your arsehole before prison.................."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm reaching out because a friend of mine needs some help !!!!

His wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that would help him get an erection.

When he came back, he tossed her some diet pills.

Anyway, he's looking for a place to live.

Can you help him ???

[layback40]

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, Honey?" the husband inquired, as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue'., "Eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water."

[layback40]

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to

Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who

responded:



" Rome ?Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty..

You're crazy to go to Rome ..So, how are you getting there?"



"We're taking BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"



"BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. " That's a terrible airline. Their

planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always

late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"



"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River

called Teste."



"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be

something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."



"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."



"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people

trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.



Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it..."



A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser

asked her about her trip to Rome



"It was wonder ful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in

one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us

up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a

handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.



And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling

job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were

overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no

extra charge!"



"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet

you didn't get to see the Pope."



"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a

Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope

likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step

into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.



Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and

shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me"



"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"





He said: "Who the F**k did your hair?"

[layback40]

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women..

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house..

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door.

He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in ku klux klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods. It's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, 'i can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black guy is beyond me.'

[layback40]

Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Years Riots
Your One Year Manufacturers Warranty Runs Out Soon

-------------------

"IT'S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT'S A BOY"

and with tears streaming down my face

I swore I'd never visit another Thai brothel!!!

-------------------------

2 Indian junkies accidental snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.

They’re both in hospital...

one's in a korma… the other's got a dodgy tikka!

----------------------

The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics was just like any other Friday night in Brixton.

You heard a gunshot followed by 8 black guys legging it!

----------------------------

In the first few days of the Olympics the Romanians took gold, silver, bronze, copper, lead

and anything else they could get their bloody hands on

-------------------------------

Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a

middle aged couple from Weymouth

[layback40]

Whats the difference between Christmas and the national debt?

Christmas= A bunch of lazy children getting stuff that the parents have to pay for.

National debt= A bunch of lazy adults getting stuff that the children have to pay for.