How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[bruggz351]

Dare ya to say that in 1 breath..

[layback40]

Finally, an explanation... It all makes sense now:



gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day.

Leviticus 20:13 - "if a man lays with another man he should be stoned."
We've just been misinterpreting it all along.

[mjs]

[layback40]

Geography of a woman

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!




Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.


Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.




Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.




Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.




Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.



Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.



After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.




THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN


Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by nuts.

THE END.

[layback40]

The recession has hit everybody really hard...

My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEOs are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally....

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

[bruggz351]

5 NUNS IN A BAR

Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent
on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot
and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in
at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside
neighbourhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father
McGinty entered the bar through the front door.

They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.












GIVE US A SENSE OF HUMOR LORD,
GIVE US THE GRACE TO SEE A JOKE,
TO GET SOME HUMOR OUT OF LIFE,
AND PASS IT ON TO OTHER FOLK

[layback40]

Exciting new Bupa Programme:


You're a sick senior citizen and the government says they are going to sell your house to pay for your nursing care. So what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians.

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison..... where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!

Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered.

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that they cannot afford to pay for your nursing care.

And you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you are at it.

Plus, because you are a prisoner you don't have to pay income tax.
Is this a great country or what?