How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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I filled out a job application for the local council today and under disabilities I put narcolepsy and tourettes syndrome.
So not only will I be able to sleep at work, but if someone tries to wake me up I can tell them to fuck off.😂

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An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists around the Top End of Oz.
On their way to Kakadu he was describing the amazing abilities of the Australian Aborigines to track Man or Beast over Land, through the Air and under the Sea.
The Americans Tourists were incredulous.
Later in the day, as the group rounded a bend on the highway they discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine.
He had one Ear pressed to the White Line, whilst his left Leg was held high in the Air..!
The Tour Bus stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine...
"Hey Jacky," said the Tour Guide, "What are you Tracking and what are you Listening for..?"
The Aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute... It's a Red One… the left front Tyre is bald... The front end is out of whack, and him got bloody dents in every panel... There are 9 black fellas in the back, all drinking warm Sherry. There are 3 Kangaroos on the roof rack and 4 Dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge. "Good Lord man, how do you know all that information"..??? asked one tourist.
The Aborigine replied:...
"Cos Boss, I fell out of the fucking thing about half an hour ago!!..

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My girlfriend just walked out of the kitchen, looked at me and said, "I'm afraid that you need to get a new dish washer."
I said to myself, "That's a strange fucking way to break up with someone!! 🤔

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Boy goes to confession and tells the priest he has been with a girl of loose morals.
"That's a grievous sin," the priest says. "Tell me: Was it Mary O'Hara?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kate Dannaher?"
"No, Father."
"Was it Kathleen McGonigle?"
"No, Father. I don't want to say who it was."
Later, as the boy leaves the church, he sees a friend, who asks him, "How'd it go?"
He answers, "Well, I got ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers... and three great leads."😂

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ARE YOU..... Struggling financially?
ARE YOUR..... Credit card bills becoming unmanageable?
DO YOU..... Dread the phone ringing?
Well it serves you right for getting married!!..😉😂

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When a woman says she needs a clear-out, all of her friends come running round to get the best clothes.
But when a man says he needs a clear-out, everyone asks him not to use all the paper,and make sure he leaves the window open!!.

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A Collingwood mother goes to town to register for CentreLink.
"How many children?" asks the assessor.
"10," replies the Collingwood mother.
"10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne."
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Nah," says the Collingwood mother. "Its great, because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout, 'WAYNE, YA DINNER'S READY' or 'WAYNE, GO TO BED NOW' and they all do it."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed CentreLink worker.
"That's easy," says the Collingwood mother, "I just use their surnames."