How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[Dustbowl]

Hehehehhaha yes!

[Banshee]

Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, walked into a branch of the Commonwealth Bank to cash a cheque. Approaching the cashier she said "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?" The clerk replies "It would be my pleasure, mam. Could I see your ID please?"

Julia said "Well I didn't bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Julia Gillard you know - the Prime Minister!"

Clerk: "I'm sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring of the banks because of imposters, fraud, forgers and the like, I must insist on proof of identity". Julia: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows me!"

Clerk: "I am very sorry Madam Prime Minister. These are the bank rules and I must follow them". Julia: "And I need this cheque cashed!!"

Clerk: "Perhaps there's another way. One day Greg Norman came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Greg Norman he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful putt across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Greg Norman and cashed his cheque".

"Another time, Shane Warne came in without ID. He pulled out a cricket ball and bowled a fabulous spinner kick where the ball landed in my coffee mug. With that spectacular bowl we cashed his cheque. So mam, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, the Prime Minister?"

Julia stood there thinking. Finally she says "Honestly, I can't think of a single thing I'm good at".

Clerk: "Will that be $50 notes or $100 notes, Prime Minister?"


------------------


Politician, from Politics: From the Latin;

Poly: Meaning many and
Ticks: Meaning bloodsucking parasites.

[layback40]

"Tact"

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and
unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress, thinking this was a bit risque behaviour that might offend other diners, went over to the table and tactfully, began by saying to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am , but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."

[layback40]

HOW WAS I BORN

A young boy says to his father, “How was I born”?
The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day
you will need to find out anyway’.
Your mom and I first got together in a chat room
on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and
we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, and Googled
each other.
There your mother agreed to a download from my
hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months
later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

‘You Got Male’.

[layback40]

COMPLETE OR FINISHED

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference
between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
The difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED explained in a way
that is easy to understand.

“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you
marry the wrong women, you are FINISHED. And when the right one
catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”.

[layback40]

What Starts with F and ends with K


A first-grade teacher, Ms Pianta, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms.. Pianta had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Pianta he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.


Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry:
'9..'

Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry:
'36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Pianta and tells her, '
I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Pianta says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms.. Pianta asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'

Ms Pianta: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Pianta: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry:
'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Pianta: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms.. Pianta: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry:
'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...'

[layback40]

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''