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  #3508  
Old 04-06-2015
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I went upto a girl in the pub the other day and asked her if she had a light.

"Yes, I have a light," she replied.

"Good," I said. "Turn it on next time you're getting dressed, 'cos you look f@rking awful."
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  #3509  
Old 04-06-2015
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Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
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  #3510  
Old 04-06-2015
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A blonde woman is taking her driving test when the examiner asks. What sort of road signs would you expect to see in the countryside...The woman thinks for a minute then says...PICK YOUR OWN STRAWBERRIES !!!
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  #3511  
Old 04-06-2015
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A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there." The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know!!..
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  #3512  
Old 04-06-2015
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After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still full.
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  #3513  
Old 04-06-2015
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Last night I was watching this movie with creepy organ music, when all of a sudden I found myself shouting at the top of my lungs ”DON'T GO IN THAT CHURCH FOR ********SAKES!!!"
My wife goes " for goodness sake, what are you watching?"
"Our wedding video" I replied!!.
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  #3514  
Old 04-06-2015
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My boss texted me "Send me one of your funny jokes" I replied "I,m working at the moment I,ll send you one later".He replied "That was fantastic send me another one!!..
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