How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

Why did God invent the Orgasm?
Its so women can still moan even when they are enjoying themselves

[layback40]

For years four mates each took a week off work to go fishing together.
This year, Ron’s wife put her foot down and told him he wasn’t going.
Bitterly disappointed, he phoned the others and told them he wasn’t
allowed to go.
Two days later, the other three arrived at their usual campsite only to
see Ron sitting there with his tent already set up.
‘Ron,’ they said, ‘How did you talk your missus into letting you come?’
‘Well, yesterday evening after my wife had finished reading ‘Fifty
Shades of Grey’ she dragged me upstairs and into the bedroom. On the
bed she’d put handcuffs and ropes. She told me to tie her up and cuff
her to the bed, so I did. Then she said ‘Now do whatever you want.
So here I am.’

[layback40]

The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football.

He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 2-0 down to Newcastle with only 20 minutes left.

The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation. He scores 3 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool . The fans are delighted, the players and the coach are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 2 - 0 down but I scored 3, they call it a hat-trick, and we won.

Everybody loves me, the fans, the press, they all love me.'

'Just wonderful,' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day
Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and assaulted, she would have been raped but for a passing police vehicle.

Your brother has joined a local gang of looters and set fire to some buildings and all while you tell me that you were having a great time!!'

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry.'

Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!' says his mum.


'It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'

[layback40]

Who got the new toy?


The State Government just lost another one of their revenue raising tools...
SA Police News's photo.
SA Police News


Police are asking for the public for information after a speed camera was stolen from Elizabeth Downs on Saturday evening.
Just before 5pm on Saturday, 23 November a speed camera was set up on Main North Road, Elizabeth Downs opposite the Munno Para Shopping Centre.
The camera was monitoring traffic travelling south-west on Main North Road. Just after 9pm, the camera operator noticed movement of the in-car computer, which is connected to the external camera. The operator discovered the speed camera with tripod was missing. It’s believed the offender/s fled over a reserve towards Marcian Ave, Elizabeth Downs.
The area was searched by local police patrols including a police dog patrol, but the Redflex Radar Camera Unit with tripod wasn't located.
Police are asking anyone with information on the incident or the location on the camera to please call Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000 or report online at www.sa.crimestoppers.com.au.
Officer in charge of Traffic Support Branch Supt Bob Fauser reminded the public that a moment of stupidity can have a lifelong impact.
“If convicted of theft, you face a jail term of up to 10 years, along with a permanent criminal record,” he said.
“While this may have been a dare or prank, it won’t be funny when we charge the offender with theft. I strongly suggest that right now is the time to notify police of where the camera can be located. Information can be left anonymously,” he said.

[layback40]

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He had been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to."

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, "Well you old fool, you are gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun. The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "N-n-n-n-o. B-b-but I've always wanted to."

[layback40]

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped "it" to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show".

"Sensible" says Jeff. "So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

"I kicked her in the face."

[layback40]

At the end of a long crime fighting day, Superman decides he needs to relax for a few hours, so he rings spiderman to see if he'd like to go out for a drink.

Spiderman replies "No, I have to repair my web spinner."

So, Superman rings a few more of his super hero friends and they're all busy. He decides in the end to go for a quick super-fly around the world to clear his mind before bed time.

As he passes over Wonder-Woman's mansion he sees her lying naked and spread eagle next to her pool.

Hmmm he thinks, with my super powers I'll fly down for a quickie and before she realizes I'll be gone.

So he swoops down and "WHAM BAM thank you maam" and he's gone.

Wonder- Woman shreiks "What was that?"

And the invisible man cries "I don't know, but I've sure got a sore ass!!!"