How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[RED_TJ]

In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer; throw in your washing.
We were all having a good laugh about this, when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said “I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits.”
I said “Sorry mate. Did he drown?”
“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”

[RED_TJ]

My mate reckons he always cries after sex. Mind you....he is in Prison.

[RED_TJ]

Nearly shagged a Ladyboy last night.
Picked him up in a night club. He Looked like a woman. Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement…! That's when I thought “********ing wait a minute…”

[RED_TJ]

I saw my mate Charlie this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
I shouted “Where you off to Charlie?”
He said, “I'm off to change a light bulb.”
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing. …then said,
“That's gonna be a bit awkward init?”
“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”

[layback40]

Two Gay Guys are visiting the Zoo.

They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it.
The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by.

When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, 'Are you hurt?'

'AM I HURT?' he shouts;

'Wouldn't you be?.............he hasn't called..... He hasn't written....'

[layback40]

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son

He gives the young boy three 10c coins to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking and going blue in the face.

The father realises the boy has swallowed the coins and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the 10c's but is still choking.

Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully pulls down his pants; takes hold of the boy's' testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. Tighter and tighter !!!

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last of the 10c's, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replied. "I'm with the Australian Tax Office."

[layback40]

if a guy remembers the color of a girls eyes after the first date, you know she has small boobs !