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  #2717  
Old 03-03-2015
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Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Hey mate, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife..

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.

Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'

Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.
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  #2718  
Old 03-03-2015
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Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the
bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did a
splits and suction-cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her
husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody
suctioned myself to the floor," she said. "S'truth," Bruce said, and tried
to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get
Cobber (his mate) to help."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up.

"No way, we can't do it," Cobber said, "so let's try Plan B." "Plan B,"
exclaimed Bruce, "what's that?" "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel
and we'll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber. "Spot on," Bruce said,
"while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her nipples. "Play
with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide
her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive..
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  #2719  
Old 03-03-2015
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Friends are just like nickers...Some just crawl up your arse...Some snap under pressure...Some dont have the strength to hold you up...Some get a little twisted...Some are your favourite...Some are holey...Some are cheap and just plain nasty...And some actually do cover your arse when you need them to
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  #2720  
Old 03-03-2015
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... not as tough as a German student throwing a puppy at a Hells Angels Biker meeting and escaping in a bulldozer:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...bulldozer.html
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  #2721  
Old 04-03-2015
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I bumped into a cross-eyed woman today and she shouted ''You need to look where you're going''...... I said ''F##k off,.... you need to go where you're looking..
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  #2722  
Old 04-03-2015
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what we all need to know !

http://www.smh.com.au/technology/sci...ocial_facebook
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  #2723  
Old 04-03-2015
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One night my wife asked if I would make her moan and groan like never before, I called the bank and cancelled the credit card
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