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16-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know life must be really tough for the visually impaired.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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16-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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Lovemaking tips for senior
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember...
6. Use extra poly grip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol or whatever you use ready in case you actually complete the act...
8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbors are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news .... even if its 8PM... !!
10. Don't even think about trying it twice.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.
'OLD' IS WHEN.... 'getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot...
'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
'OLD' IS WHEN... You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.
(Sent in large type so you can read!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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16-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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I joined a Facebook group for constipation sufferers...Its a bit weird because the best enjoyment of it is,when I eventually log out!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
16-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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|
I was stopped by a policeman and asked if I could identify myself. I looked in the mirror and said, "Yes officer, it's definitely me."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
16-05-2015
|
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
|
|
At the hospital this morning I stared at my wife through the glass in disbelief. She kept drifting in, then out, in then out, in then out. People were screaming and shouting and running frantically all over the place. Then a doctor screamed "she's crashing"! But thankfully she noticed a bigger parking space in the next lane and pulled in there. No f##king wonder I'm in here for a f@rking nervous breakdown!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
16-05-2015
|
|
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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A security guard stopped me as I walked out of Tesco this morning.
"I believe you've got a bottle of Champagne inside your jacket," he said,"Would you mind opening it for me?"
"Not at all," I replied,"Have you got a couple of glasses!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
16-05-2015
|
|
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
|
|
Nothing worse than, after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used condom hanging off your dick...
Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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