How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[WhiteMeat]

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest nearly fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye, the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."

[WhiteMeat]

A virile, older-aged Italian gentleman named Luigi was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."
Surprised, Luigi reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion..
The sex finally ends and, again, Luigi smiles and asks, "You finish?"
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied. Luigi reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Luigi falls onto his back, gasping....
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I'm Norwegian."

[WhiteMeat]

Irish Bus Thieves:

Two Irish friends leave the pub. One says to other, 'I can't be bothered to
walk all the way home.'

'I know, me too but we've no money for a cab and we've missed the last bus
home.'

'We could steal a bus from the depot.' replies his mate.

They arrive at the bus depot and one goes in to get a bus while the other
keeps a look-out.

After shuffling around for ages, the lookout shouts, 'What are you doing?
Have ye not found one yet?'

'I can't find a No. 91'

'Oh Jeysus Christ, ye t'ick sod, take the No. 14 and we'll walk from the
roundabout.

[layback40]

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

[layback40]

A man is about to enter a meeting at work when he realizes that he forgot some important paperwork. He calls home so that his wife can retrieve them. The maid answers the phone and says that his wife is busy. He demands that the maid put his wife on the phone. The maid informs the man that his wife is in bed with the gardener. The man goes nuts, and offers the maid one million dollars to shoot them both. The maid agrees and he soon hears two gunshots. The maid returns to the phone and he asks her what happened. The maid says she shot his wife in bed and the gardener ran, so she shot him by the pool. The man says, "Pool??? Is this 555-4320???"

[layback40]

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120
times last year. " The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice
a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's rib, said, "That's once a day.You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same f##kin cow."

[layback40]

A young arab asks his father
What is this weird hat that we are wearing?Why ,it's a "Chechia" because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun!And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?It's a "Djbellah" because in the desert it is very hot,and it protects your body!And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?"Babouches"which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!....Tell me papa?..Yes my son?..Then,why are we living in f##king Melbourne?...