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  #3067  
Old 15-04-2015
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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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  #3068  
Old 15-04-2015
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This bloke in the pub said to me,
"******** me, that was a rough old bitch you were with last night, not a patch on the women I normally see you with, what on Earth ever possessed to take her out? "
"I had to, " I replied, "it was our wedding anniversary. "
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  #3069  
Old 15-04-2015
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Why does Facebook keep showing me adverts for Christian Dating?
If there's one thing I don't need help with, it's finding girls who won't sleep with me.
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  #3070  
Old 15-04-2015
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Some people think they are Champagne in a tall glass....When in actual fact,they're lukewarm piss in a plastic cup!...
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  #3071  
Old 15-04-2015
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My wife keeps dropping hints about a sexy gift she wants.
"It begins with 'D' and ends in 'O' .. and it fits snugly in there", she winked as she pointed suggestively at her crotch.
I said, "Where the f##k am I gonna find a didgeridoo!!..
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  #3072  
Old 15-04-2015
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I said to my wife, "When I die, I'd like to die having sex."
She said, "At least we know it'll be quick."
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  #3073  
Old 15-04-2015
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What do you call it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual Harassment.
What do you call it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.95 per minute.
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