How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

My wife reckons that men can only do one thing at once, while she like all women, can Multi-Task and do several things at once.....
I said..."Well, if that is true, then why can't you sit down and shut up both at once".......
******** her, I didn't want any dinner anyway.. !!!!..

[layback40]

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman. .......
What a pair of SEXISTS. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

[layback40]

A young lady,Erotic Erin, was standing outside the gates of Heaven, but was a little disturbed by the horrific screams of pain and agony coming from within. So she turned to St. Peter and asked what was going on. He replied that it was the sound of new angels getting large holes drilled in their backs to enable their wings to be fitted, and small holes being drilled in their heads for their halos. She said to St. Peter,Heaven sounds terrible. I think perhaps I'd rather go to Hell. Rather taken aback, St. Peter replied, But in Hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized for ever!"
Yes, she said, "but at least I've already got holes for that.

[layback40]

John decided to visit his friend, Dave,who had just moved into a new high-rise apartment building. As he parked his car and got out, he heard a woman's voice say, "Hi there, big boy."

Looking up, he saw a gorgeous lady-dressed in a shear negligee, leaning over the railing. Come on up and see me," she purred.

John wasn't about to pass up an opportunity like that! He took the elevator to the fifth floor, and as he got off-an apartment door opened and the sexy lady beckoned him toward her. John walked over to the open door.

"I've been waiting for someone like you, "the lady said as she slowly unzipped his pants. John's pecker rose swiftly to the occasion, and the lady took it into her hand.

Then she gave it a sharp whack with the other hand! John jumped back in alarm.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he cried.

She answered, "That'll teach you to take my parking place!!

[layback40]

I got thrown out of McDonald's this morning. The girl serving me was an absolute stunner and she told me she could make it large for 30c. I replied that she already had, but could she finish me off for a $1.

[bleetnblurt]

Originally Posted by layback40

I got thrown out of McDonald's this morning. The girl serving me was an absolute stunner and she told me she could make it large for 30c. I replied that she already had, but could she finish me off for a $1.

you forgot to add you got done for ..............stalking LOL

[layback40]

WHY IT'S GOOD TO BE A MAN.......
1. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work ... more pay.
11. Wrinkles-add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
18. Your pals can be trusted never to ask you, "So, notice anything
different?"
19. One mood, ALL the time.
20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
21. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
22. You can open all your own jars.
23. You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
24. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
25. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
26. If someone forgets to invite you to something, you can still be
friends.
27. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
28. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
29. Everything on your face stays its original color.
30. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
31. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
32. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is
coming.
33. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."
34. No maxi-pads.
35. You don't mooch off other's desserts.
36. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little
gift.
37. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just
might become lifelong friends.
38. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
39. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a
bolt.
40. You almost never have strap problems in public.
41. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
42. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
43. You don't have to shave below your neck.
44. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
45. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
46. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
47. You have freedom of choice over growing a moustache.
48. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on
December 24th, in minutes.
49. The world is your urinal.
Ten Things men know for sure about women
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts.