How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A woman pulls over at the gas station, gets out of her car, opens the hood, and checks the engine oil.

After a few seconds of intelligent thinking, she takes a dipstick in her hand and, raising her chest high, walks up to the attendant:

"Excuse me sir, but can I buy a longer dipstick?"

"May I ask why you need a longer one ma'am?"

"Because this one isn't long enough to reach the oil!!"

[layback40]

A parrot swallows a Viagra pill.As punishment, he is put in the freezer to cool off.After two hours the owner opens the freezer and sees the parrot sweating.'What is wrong,' he asks,to which the parrot replies,'Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?

[layback40]

A man sun bathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis.
His doctor tells him 2 ease the pain by dipping it in a cup of cold milk.
Later, his blonde girlfriend comes home n finds him with his penis in a cup of cold milk.
Wow, she remarks. I always wondered how you re-loaded those things!

[layback40]

A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven...
He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them...
"Yes?", asks St. Peter. .
"I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani...
St Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi's here"

[layback40]

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the BigBad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little RedRiding Hood sees the wolf again. This time he is crouched behind a treestump. "My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf", says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. Some distance further down the track Little Red Riding Hood again encounters the Big Bad Wolf, this time crouched behind a road sign. "My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf", taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams.
"Will you ******** off, I'm trying to take a shit !"

[layback40]

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street.
Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie.
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says,
"Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka."
Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish.
When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it.
He looks in the glass and it's clear.
Looks like vodka.
Then he smells the liquid.
Smells like vodka.
So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife,
"Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!"
She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it.
He tells her to drink, it is vodka.
Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip.
It is the best vodka she has ever tasted.
The two drink and party all night.
The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard.
He proceeds to piss in the two glasses.
The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife,
"Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka.
"His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.
The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him,
"But Boris, why do we need only one glass?"
Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight, my love, you drink from the bottle!"

[layback40]

A fellow stopped at a rural gas station, filled his tank, and took a break by his car while drinking a soda.
As he relaxed, he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole.
The men worked right past the man and continued on down the road.
Overcome by curiosity, the fellow headed in their direction. "Hey there," he said. "Can you tell me what's going on here with this digging?"
"We work for the county government," one of them said.
"But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. What's up with that?" the man asked.
"Well," the worker replied, "normally there's three of us - me, Rodney, and Mike. I dig the hole, Rodney sticks in the tree, and Mike here puts the dirt back, but Rodney's out sick."
"So what does the work you're doing accomplish?" asked the man, not quite believing what he was seeing.
"Well," Mike said. "Just because Rodney's out sick, that don't mean we can't work, right?"