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  #6273  
Old 27-11-2015
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Have you ever seen any Hindu, Sikh, Jew, Buddhist or Christian say that their religion is peaceful?
It is funny how Muslims always insist theirs is a 'religion of peace!'
It's like a hooker insisting, she is virgin!
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  #6274  
Old 27-11-2015
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Two Blondes standing on either side of a river. One shouts over to the other...."how do I get to the other side of the river"....The second Blonde thinks for a moment and then shouts back....."you ARE on the other side of the river"..
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  #6275  
Old 27-11-2015
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Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener,
and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
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  #6276  
Old 27-11-2015
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A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything went quite well. As the national Anthem started, the doctor yelled, " UP NUTS", and the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem, he yelled, "DOWN NUTS", and they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor ordered, "CHEER NUTS." They all broke into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the doctor yelled, "BOOOOO NUTS" and they all started booing and cat calling. Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, 'What in the world happened?" The assistant replied, " Everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS."
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  #6277  
Old 27-11-2015
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Paramedics attend an accident and find a male in the drivers seat screaming his head off.
They tell him "calm down it could be worse. Look at your girlfriend, shes gone through the windscreen and landed on the road."
The man replies in a painful screech, "You've obviously not seen what she's got in her mouth!"
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  #6278  
Old 27-11-2015
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OK who gave me $49.5 million?

RE: CYBER CRIME VICTIMS FUNDS ISSUING/2015!!!

Mr. Richard Fisher <"Mr. Richard Fisher "@>
Nov 26 at 9:33 PM

To

Recipients

Message body

FBI Washington Field Office
601 4th Street NW
Washington, DC 20535,



Terrorist Screening, checkmating Money laundry, Trafficking,Bank Fraud Scam.



Attention: Sir/Madam



Security Interception of Unsolicited Business Transaction.


I am James B. Comey, Jr, the new FBI director nominated by President Barack Obama to replace the previous director Robert S. Mueller due to internal logical protocols guiding international and local transactions,my tenure represent peace, equity and justice and rule of law shall prevail, my duty is to ensure global maximum security and to protect fundamental human rights. FBI has increased their priorities because of the recent terrorist global threat; find below the interception information of the sum $49.5 million United States dollars manifested in your name as the beneficiary, we have every evidence to prosecute this case,movement of funds from different countries based on the security Intel exposing links of terrorism sponsorship.


1.FBI global security wire tape has confirmed that the sum of $49.5 million United States dollars have been severally attempted to be release in your name through different methods like automated card payment system method (ATM) Consignment Diplomatic Delivery Bank Wire Transfer Every attempts by your partners to move this funds according to your instructions have been futile and frustrated by the FBI global security hard disc which is been control by world bank international security server , the amount in your name have been abandoned under government security vault which is against international law of money laundry, terrorism and trafficking, i met your file at the security strong room with every other transactions relevant documents without the other three compulsory documents mentioned in this message.



2. Our security Intel have confirmed your email address on the payment manifest booklet, I have clinically crosschecked the manifest and discovered that several business transactions have been linked to your email address, you have consented by either sending money to them or aid the transactions by providing your information for the movement of the funds through several means, your email address is on the hard disk.


We hope this email meet you well and we want you to kindly furnish to this office the following to enable us to proceed the release of your funds.


1. FULL NAME.
2.HOME/OFFICE ADDRESS
3.COUNTRY.
4.OCCUPATION
5.GENDER/SEX.

Thanks and waiting to hear from you soon.


Regards,
MR..RICHARD FISHER (TSGFB/13-PL.3R49)
New Director FBI
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  #6279  
Old 28-11-2015
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The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.

"Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.

He's got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.

"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"

"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.

With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.

"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."

No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.

With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful.

How about you?" "It was horrible," he replies, All I got was a headache.

All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
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