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06-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,773 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,574
Liked 6,545 Times in 4,339 Posts
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My wife phoned me, panting and breathless.
"Where are you?" she moaned.
"I'm at the pub." I replied.
She said, "I think the baby's coming!"
I said, "She won't get in,... she's under-age."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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06-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,773 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,574
Liked 6,545 Times in 4,339 Posts
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The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said, 'This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You got to keep the old motor running.'
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.
The same nurse was attending the delivery and again went out to congratulate the old gentleman. She said, 'Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?'
The old man grinned and said, 'You gotta keep the old motor running.'
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, 'Well, you surely are something awesome!
How do you do it?'
The old man replied, 'It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running.'
The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said:
Well, I guess it's time to change the oil. This one is black!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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06-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,773 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,574
Liked 6,545 Times in 4,339 Posts
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I walked up to the counter in the chemist and just my luck there was a girl serving.
"Erm... Morning," I said, "I need some erm... God, this is embarrassing..."
"Don't you worry sir," she leaned in and whispered reassuringly, "I get this every day!"
I smiled back.
"Condoms?" she said.
"No," I said.
"Suppositories?" she said.
"No," I said.
"Tampons?"
"No."
"Well, it can't be that embarrassing then, sir," she said with a smile.
"Paracetamol," I said.
"Paracetamol?" she gave me a puzzled look. "£1.99 please. What's so embarrassing?"
Then I pulled out my little pink purse.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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06-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,773 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,574
Liked 6,545 Times in 4,339 Posts
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For some reason women think childbirth is the hardest thing imaginable.
They've obviously never tried pissing straight with an erection.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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06-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,773 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,574
Liked 6,545 Times in 4,339 Posts
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Jenny was explaining to her husband how much fun they'd had at the beach during her bridge club annual outing. "But," she told him, "it didn't end all that great for me."
"Why, what happened?" he asked.
"I went out to take a swim in the rough water but I didn't go out far because the waves were very bad. Then I suddenly noticed that all the turbulence had caused the lower half of my bathing suit to be snatched off. I looked and looked for it but it was gone, gone, gone!"
"For goodness sakes, sweetie, what did you do?"
"Do? Why I did what any respectable female would do. I covered my face and eyes with my hands and ran to the beach house as fast as I could."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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07-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,773 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,574
Liked 6,545 Times in 4,339 Posts
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Now on sale at IKEA - LESBIAN beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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07-11-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,773 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,574
Liked 6,545 Times in 4,339 Posts
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After 100 years lying on the sea bed, Irish divers were amazed to find that the Titanic's swimming pool was still full.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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