How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner.

It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal.

Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey, look what the dog did to my neck!

"Hell, that's nothing" she answered, ripping open her blouse. "Look what he did to my tits!

[layback40]

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead.

And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and

get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.


'Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "Repeat after me........Our Father who art in Heaven........."

[layback40]

scientists have crossed a male chicken with an onion and finally got a cock that brings tears to a womens eyes!!.

[layback40]

A little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes.

She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.

She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally.

To make sure she doesn't get them mixed up again, she cuts out a ring from a piece of cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.

A while later, the local priest visits the old lady.

The male parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says, "I see she caught you at it, too.

[layback40]

My wife is so naive.
I just told her that the reason it's called Boxing Day is that us men don't have to come home from the pub until we've had twelve rounds.

[layback40]

A guy brings his dog into the vet and says, "Could you please cut my dog's tail off?"
The vet examines the tail and says, "There is nothing wrong. Why would you want this done?"
The man replies, "My mother-in-law is coming to visit, and I don't want anything in the house to make her think that she is welcome!"

[layback40]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said: "Corned beef and cabbage.

If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch and exclaimed, Burritos again!"

If I get burritos one more time in my lunch, I'm ging to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again!

If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping off, too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw the corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch bucket, saw the bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage.

I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch.