How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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A man is walking down the street, when he notices that his grandfather is sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" the man exclaims. The old man looks off in the distance and does not answer his grandson. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he asks again. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!")

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Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, 'We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.' The old man said, 'There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.' One of the old Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your Exact age.' Embarrassed just a little, but anxious To prove they couldn't do it, he dropped His drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, 'You're 87 years old!' Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess?' Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison - - - 'We were at your feckin birthday party yesterday ya eejit!'

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THE LUCK OF THE IRISH AN APOLOGY FROM BELFAST GENERAL HOSPITAL .............. Dear Mr. Murphy We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on your penis showed it was not cancerous. It was lipstick. We deeply regret the amputation.

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At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.
No woman, said one man, scornfully, can keep a secret.
I don’t know about that, answered a blonde woman guest.
I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.
You’ll let it out some day, the man insisted.
I hardly think so responded the blonde lady.
When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.

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Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their men. That night all three would wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet up for lunch.
The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.
' Then we made love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat.
When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'

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A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."

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I was in a public toilet and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next cubicle, he said “Hi!, how are you?”
Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”.
The voice said “So what are you up to?”.
I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”.
From next door, “Can I come over?”. Annoyed, I said, “rather busy right now”.
The voice said, “Listen, I will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door answering all my questions”