How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A man walks into the Australian Parliament office, says to the receptionist:





"I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an Independent M.P."

The receptionist replied "Certainly sir. Please fill in this form.''

He was filling the form OK until he came to the question - ''Are you circumcised?''

So he asked the receptionist - "Is that question necessary?"

She replied... "If you are circumcised you are not eligible"

He asked what difference it would make if he was circumcised?

She replied...."To become an Australian M.P. you have to be a complete prick”

[layback40]

An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah.

He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 whores?"

Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied,

"Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So 'you're' here to service 'them.' Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty."

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"

And Allah replied, "Who said they were women?"

[anthonygubbin]

Originally Posted by layback40

Teacher asks the kids in class:


"What do you want to be when you grow up?


"Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs,
take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks,
an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel through Europe ,
an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behaviour of the child,
decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.

And you, Susie?

"I wanna be Johnny's bitch!"

Bahahaha that one I am going send to my friend.

[layback40]

One of the sickest jokes on the thread !!

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be.

The first one stopped and took a pill. "What was that?" The others asked her.

"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy."

A few minutes later, another woman took a pill. "What was that?" the others asked.

"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong." They continued knitting.

Finally the third woman took a pill. "What was that?" the others asked her.

"It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this blasted sweater!"

[layback40]

A visitor is walking down the hall of a mental hospital. He happens to look into a room where he sees a man, completely nude except for a baseball cap.

The visitor asks the man, "Why don't you have any clothes on?"

The man says: "Nobody comes!"

The visitor then asks, "But why the baseball cap?"

The man replies, "Somebody might come."

[layback40]

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialled the employee's cell phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," the whisper answered.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. "ME.!!

[layback40]

Classic biker story…….



A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs... A green spot on the inside of each. "They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse."

The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back. A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.

The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy - - there's no problem. But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?"

The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"

"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."