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  #3529  
Old 05-06-2015
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Got home from the pub at three o'clock this morning and the missus was waiting at the door with a rolling pin.

I said, "What the f@rk are you doing baking at this hour?"
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Old 06-06-2015
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Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!"

Before her mother could raise a concern, Sally said, "It reminded me of a peanut."

Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked, "Really small, was it?"

Sally replied, "No... Salty."

Mum fainted.
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Old 06-06-2015
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Bought the Wife a Pug dog. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes, rolls of fat & being ugly as f@rk, the dog seems to like her!
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Old 06-06-2015
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A Muslim immigrant goes to the doctor and says "I feel terrible."
The doctor examines him and then says:
"You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage. Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."
The Muslim does this and goes back to the doctor 3 days later and says "I feel wonderful! what was wrong with me?"
The doctor replied, "You were homesick."
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Old 06-06-2015
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I would love to have the courage to do this.

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me 'Oi, what's your disability mate?' I said 'Tourettes, you wanker, now f@rk off!'
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  #3534  
Old 06-06-2015
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I recently joined the Klu Klux Klan, I'm not racist, I just want to know the secret of how they keep their white sheets so f@rking white!
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  #3535  
Old 06-06-2015
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McDonalds make their milkshake like their staff.
Thick as f@rk!
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  #3536  
Old 06-06-2015
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A old American Indian was asked the name of his wife , he replied "wife name three horse" "that's an unusual name for your wife , three horse. What does it mean?" "its a old American Indian name , means nag ,nag ,nag!!..
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  #3537  
Old 06-06-2015
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My Wife finally persuaded me to get some help with my drinking.
So I've got four mates coming over tonight for a piss up!!..
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