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04-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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This guy has this crush on this girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her he gets the biggest erection ever.
There is nothing he can do to control it. It just happens. After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way he won't have to see her and he won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes. He figures what he'll do is tie Mr. Happy to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it.
He gets to her house. Knocks on her door.
She answers the door in her bathrobe and he kicks her in the face 
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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04-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.
One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was quite amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join he explains. The biker asks; "Do you have motorcycle?
The little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, drink like a fish. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple more in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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04-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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Normally i can't dance to save my life. But as soon as I step in dog shit, I can moonwalk better than Michael Jackson..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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04-06-2015
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Full Flexer
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Lapstone, NSW
Posts: 1,015 What Jeep do I drive?: JK
Likes: 1,368
Liked 186 Times in 124 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layback40
A little 80 year old lady had always wanted to join a local bikers club.
One day she goes up and knocks on a biker's door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The guy was quite amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join he explains. The biker asks; "Do you have motorcycle?
The little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, drink like a fish. I'll drink everyone in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 2 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple more in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
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LOL was just about to post this one - thinking you and I have the same faceache page liked lol
__________________
2012 JK, Uneek 4x4 front bar, ATV 2.5" flexy coil lift, Maxxis 762 285/70R17, heavy right foot
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05-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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Three buddies die in a car crash and they find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S F@rKING MOVING!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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05-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhiteMeat
LOL was just about to post this one - thinking you and I have the same faceache page liked lol
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How about posting some cartoons. My IT skills are not up to doing it. ~ maybe "Baxters Tool Works"
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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05-06-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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I was sitting on a bench in the park next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.He said: Up until Last week, I still had it all!!! A cook, cooked my meals, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school.
I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?
Oh No, nothing like that he said. No, no ... I got out of prison!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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