How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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Daffy duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks for condoms....
Receptionist says "shall i put them on your bill"....
Daffy replies "Don`t be thuckin thupid i`d thuffocate!!..

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I phoned the boss this morning,
"I won't be coming in today."
"I know you aren't." He replied.
"How the f##k did you know?"
"Because I fired ya three weeks ago ya drunk bastard!!..

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I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" I said, "No, but Ive told a donkey to f##k off."

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The government says there is a shortage of jobs.
There are 24 tills at tesco and only ever 4 f##king open!!..

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I was being chatted up by this right ugly bird in the pub last night, when she asked if I had a nickname, I said "Yes my mates call me the sledge," she giggled & asked "Is that because you're a smooth ride?" I said"No, it's because I always get pulled by dogs!"

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I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
"Where the hell have you been?" screamed my wife.
I said, "I've been playing poker with
the lads."
"Playing poker with the lads?" she repeated. "Well, you can pack your bags F##k off and go!"
"So can you," I said. "This isn't our
house anymore!!..

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Paddy and murphy were watching a John Wayne movie.

Paddy says to Murphy: “I bet you $5 John Wayne falls off this horse and the horse goes over the cliff.

Murphy said: “Ok Paddy your on”.

So there they are, watching the film and John Wayne falls off the horse and the horse goes over the cliff.

Paddy turns round to Murphy: “I told you what would happen”. Murphy said: “You’re right Paddy, there you go, $5” .

Paddy thinks, and in the end said: “I fell very cheeky here Murphy”. “Why dat Paddy..?”

“Because I’ve seen this film before”.

Murphy says: “So have I, but I didn`t expect the daft fooka to make the same mistake twice” …