How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

Golf.

The only time it's acceptable for a man to hold an iron.

[layback40]

Remember when we were all young and couldn't wait to grow up? What the hell were we thinking!

[WhiteMeat]

A young man graduated from University of New Zealand with a degree in journalism. His first assignment for the newspaper who hired him was to write a human interest story. He went back to the bush to do his research.

He went to an old farmer's house way back in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer, and proceeded to explain to him why he was there.

The young man asked, "Has anything ever happened around here that made you happy?"

The farmer thought for a minute and said, "Yep! One time one of my neighbour's sheep got lost. We formed a search party and found it. We all rooted it and took it back home."

"I can't print that!" the young man exclaimed. "Can you think of anything else that happened that made you or a lot of other people happy?"

After another moment, the farmer said, "Yeah, one time my neighbour's daughter, a good looking girl, got lost. We formed a big search party that time and found her. After we all rooted her, we took her back home too.

Again, the young man said "I can't print that either. Has anything ever happened around here that made you sad?"

The old farmer dropped his head, looked up sadly at the young man and said "I got lost once."

[Gearloose]

Bad Billy is sitting on the street corner after school puffing away on a big cigar when the local policeman comes along and yells at him: Hey Billy, put that cigar out! You're too young to smoke!
Billy looks up at him and says: No way officer, I'm old enough to smoke. In fact, I had my first root when I was 7.
Somewhat surprised, the policeman asks him: Really? What was it like?
Little Billy says: I can't remember... I was too drunk.

[layback40]

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker. 'Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?' he asks.
'$100,' she replies.
In broken English he says 'Do you do Immigrant Style?'
'No' she says.
'I pay you $200 to do Immigrant Style.'
'No', she says, not knowing what Immigrant Style is.
'I pay you $300.'
'No', she says.
'I pay you $400.'
'No', she says.
So finally he says, 'OK, I pay $1,000 to do Immigrant Style.'
She thinks, 'Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now. I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world. How bad could Immigrant Style be?'.
So she agrees and has sex with him.
They do it in every kind of way and in every possible position.
Finally, after several hours, they finish.
Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, 'Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So what exactly is 'Immigrant Style'?'
The illegal immigrant replies 'You send bill to Government!!..

[layback40]

A flying insect just flew into my kitchen and exploded.
I think it was a Jihaddy long legs.

[layback40]

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker.
She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner.
She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?"
"A hundred dollars."
"Damn. All I've got is thirty."
"Hold on," she says and runs back to Harry. "What can he get for thirty dollars?"
"A handjob," Harry replies.
She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob.
He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."
She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"