How tuff are Aussie blokes? - Page 1003 - AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand


Go Back   AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand > GENERAL > Off Topic Chitchat


Portal Register Forums Trading Your Jeep New Garage Mark All Read

Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  #8017  
Old 18-08-2018
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,276
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,073 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

In good company? Results of a competition to find dumb things in company correspondence.

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping.)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.-This one should have won first place.)

6. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected." (CIO of Dell Computers)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

9. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)


My seven-year-old son informed us that part of his tooth had come out. We checked and, sure enough, a piece had broken off.

Trying to lighten the moment, I asked my husband, "What do you suppose the tooth fairy gives for half a tooth?"

"Nothing," he replied, "She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth."

But why?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you must click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #8018  
Old 1 Week Ago
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,276
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,624
Liked 6,073 Times in 4,009 Posts
Default

>
>
> * * Law of Mechanical Repair
>
>
>
> - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch
>
> and you'll have to pee.
>
>
>
> ** Law of Gravity
>
>
>
> Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible
>
> place in the universe.
>
>
>
> ** Law of Probability
>
>
>
> The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity
>
> of your act.
>
>
>
> ** Law of Random Numbers
>
>
>
> - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always
>
> answers.
>
>
>
> ** Variation Law
>
>
>
> If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always
>
> move faster than the one you are in now.
>
>
>
> ** Law of the Bath
>
>
>
> When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
>
>
>
> ** Law of Close Encounters
>
>
>
> The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you
>
> are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
>
>
>
> ** Law of the Result
>
>
>
> When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
>
>
>
> ** Law of Biomechanics
>
>
>
> The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
>
>
>
> ** Law of the Theatres & Sports Arenas

> At any event, the people whose
>
> seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who
>
> will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and
>
> who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The
>
> folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs
>
> or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle
>
> people also are very surly folk.
>
>
>
> ** The Coffee Law
>
>
>
> - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to
>
> do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
>
>
>
> ** Murphy's Law of Lockers
>
>
>
> - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent
>
> lockers.
>
>
>
> ** Law of Physical Surfaces
>
>
>
> The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor
>
> are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
>
>
>
> ** Law of Logical Argument
>
>
>
> Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
>
>
>
> ** Law of Physical Appearance
>
>
>
> If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Post New Thread  Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


» Advertisements_AS2




Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3



All times are GMT +10. The time now is 07:08 PM.




AJOR does not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of AJOR or any entity associated with AJOR, nor should any advice be substituted as technical advice replacing that of a mechanic. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use AJOR to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, religious, political or otherwise violative of any law. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by AJOR. The owner, administrators and moderators of AJOR reserve the right to delete any message or members for any or no reason whatsoever. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages, and you agree to indemnify and hold harmless AJOR, the administrators, moderators, and their agents with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your message(s). The use of profile signatures to intentionally mislead or misdirect any member on this forum is not acceptable and may result in your account being suspended. Any trip that is organised through the AJOR forum is participated at your own risk. If you or your vehicle is damaged it is your responsibility, not that of the person that posted the thread, message or topic initiating the trip, nor the organisers of AJOR or moderators of any specific forum. This forum and associated website is the property of AJOR.





Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

AJOR 2002 - 2018 AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM. All corporate trademarked names and logos are property of their respective owners. Ausjeepoffroad is in no way associated with DaimlerChrysler Corporation or Fiat Jeep.
www.midlifemate.com wayalife.com jkwrangler.com ausjeepforum.com jk-forum.com canadianjeepoffroad.com cryptoprofitcalculator.net
vB Ad Management by =RedTyger=