How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

English lesson

This is amazing!

This is the Best, Most Interesting English Lesson

I have had to date.

Did you know "listen" and "silent" use the same letters?

Do you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still spells
"race car"?

And that "eat" is the only word that if you take the first letter and move
it to the last, it spells its past tense "ate"?

Have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters

in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters,

it spells: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking twats and take those other hairy-faced,
sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-shagging, raggedy-ass bastards with you."

How weird is that?

[LeighP]

A large group of IS jihadists are marching down a road in northern Iraq.
From behind a sand dune comes a single voice.... "one US Marine is better than 10 jihadists"
Incensed, the IS commander sends his 10 best terrorists over the sand dune. A short burst of gunfire is heard, then the voice from behind the dune says,
"One US Marine is better than 100 jihadists"
The IS commander sends out 100 of his troops to sort out the infidel. Again, a gunfight is heard from behind the dune, then silence.
"One US Marine is better than 1000 jihadists!", is heard from behind the dune.
The IS commander sends 1000 trained terrorists behind the dune and a fierce battle is heard, gunfire and explosions....then silence.
Slowly, a maimed jihadist drags himself into view, trailing blood and gore behind him on the sand. He crawls up to his commander, looks up with his one dying eye and says....
"Do not send any more men, its a trap! There are two of them......"

[layback40]

Meanwhile In Australia.
You Know It's Hot In Australia When!

1) The best parking spot is determined by shade not distance

2) Hot water comes out of both taps

3) You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron

4) The temperature drops below 32c and you feel chilly

5) You discover that in January and February it only takes two fingers to steer a car

6) You discover you can get sunburnt through your windscreen

7) You develop a fear of metal door handles

You break a sweat the instance you step outside at 7am

9) Your biggest bicycle accident fear is "What if i get knocked out and end up lying on the road and getting cooked"

10) You realise asphalt has a liquid state

11) Farmers are feeding there chickens crushed ice to prevent them from laying hard boiled eggs

12) The trees are whistling for dogs

13) While walking back barefoot to your car from any event, you do a tightrope act on the white lines in the carpark

14) You catch a cold from having the aircon on full blast all night long

15) You learn that Westfield Shopping Centre's aren't just Shopping Centre's, they are temples to worship Air-Conditioning

16) Sticking your head in the freezer and taking deep breaths is considered normal

17) A cup full of ice is considered a great snack

1 A black out is life threatening because your aircon and your fans no longer work.

19) No one cares if you walk around with no shoes on

20) You keep anything in the fridge, including potatoes, bread and clothing

21) People have enough left over beer cans to make a boat and compete in a regatta. (S.A joke)

22) The effort of towelling yourself off after a shower means you need another shower right away.

23) You will wait patiently until the day it starts raining to go on a run.

24) You worry your ceiling fan is spinning so fast it will fly off and Kill You

25) You Laugh because this list is so accurate
26) Share with ya mates so they can laugh too

Meanwhile in Australia....

[layback40]

2 year old son spits on the floor.
Wife: We don't spit. If it's in your mouth you swallow it.
Husband raises eyebrows.
Wife: You shut up!?

[layback40]

The teacher called little Johnny to her desk and said...
"The essay you wrote about your pet dog is word-for-word the
same as your brother's. What do you have to say
for yourself?"
"Of course it is!" said little Johnny.
"It's the same f##kin' dog!!..

[layback40]

There was this guy who really took care of his body and jogged six miles every day.

One morning he looked into the mirror and admired his body and noticed that he was suntanned all over with the exception of his penis, which he readily decided to do something about it.

He went to the beach, completely undressed, buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out. About that time two little old ladies came strolling along the beach, one using a cane.

On seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she began to move it round with he cane, remarking to the other little old lady saying,

"There is no justice in the world."

The other little old lady said, "What do you mean by that?"

The first little old lady said, "look at that."

When I was 20..... I was curious about it

When I was 30..... I enjoyed it

When I was 40..... I asked for it

When I was 50..... I paid for it

When I was 60..... I prayed for it

When I was 70..... I forgot about it

And now that I am 80, the damned thing is growing wild, and I'm too old to squat."

[Dinoquad]

Here is a twist.
Just been to the dentist for a infected tooth to be removed.....
I made the dentist cry!

She wanted to know some of my life after picking up the broken jaw on the x-ray.
So I told her a little of it.
Ended up with her crying on my shoulder.....