How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[cherokee94nz]

Just been out to the back of the farm. And all the lambs are ok, so you will get the shipment as arranged. Thanks for the concern.

[layback40]

While walking along a beach, a young man saw someone in the distance leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of an old man, picking up starfish one by one and tossing each one gently back into the water.

He came closer still and called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The old man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the young man commented, “But, Sir, do you not realise that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The old man listened politely. Smiling, he bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it into the back into the ocean past the breaking waves and said, “It made a difference for that one.”

[layback40]

In the light of recent police announcements that they no longer consider it necessary to attend the scene of domestic burglaries I have taken down the St. George's flag from beside the house and peeled the burglar alarm sticker off the front door.
We've disconnected our home alarm system and quit our Neighbourhood Watch.
I've bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised them in the front garden, one at each corner, plus a black flag of ISIS in the centre.
Now the local police, CID, MI5, SAS and other UK Counter Terrorism agencies are all watching the house 24/7.
We've never felt safer and we're saving £24.95 a month.

[layback40]

I was so drunk last night when I got to the bottom
of the stairs I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.
I crept upstairs very quietly.........It was only when I got to the
top of the stairs I realised I was on a ********ing bus!!!

[layback40]

My doctor phoned me today.
He said, "Ive got some good news and some bad news."
I said, "Oh right... What's the bad news?"
He said, "Your liver has failed due to alcohol abuse. Even if you quit drinking now you'll still be terminal I'm afraid."
"And the good?" I asked.
He said, "ALDI have Bells whisky on offer for $30.50!!..

[layback40]

Paddy shouts frantically into the phone “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.
“No”, shouts Paddy, “this is her husband!!..

[layback40]

I was in Paris last weekend with the missus on a romantic break. When walking down the Champs Elysees a load of cyclists came bombing down. They were swerving in and out of traffic shouting obscenities. We got called "poofs, paedos!, wankers! ******** monkeys, shit arse, nob jockeys, piss flaps, ********er!!..Turns out it was the Tourette's de France!!..