How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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wonders if gay ghosts put the willies up each other..

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They have now discovered a cure for a headache and an earache!
Stay single.

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Visited my Irish mate In hospital with both his feet in bandages.
I said what the fuck happened to you.
He said, I bought a tinned pudding and it said stand in boiling water for 20 minutes...

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Family tree of Vincent Van Gogh (always pronounced as Van Go)
Who thinks up these things!?
His dizzy aunt ---------------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes-------------------------------- Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop'nGogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ------------------------------ U Gogh
His magician uncle ---------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ------------------------------------------ A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ----------- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach ------------- Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ---------------------------------------- Can't Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt ---------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle ----------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------- Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew -------------------------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco ---------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV-Winnie Bay Gogh
I saw you smiling . . .. there ya Gogh!!.

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Dave walks into a bar and sees John sittin at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face.
Dave says "John what are you so happy for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here!
She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Dave. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim, Dave, she couldn't swim!!."
The next day Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitten at the end of the bar counter with a bigger smile on his face.
Dave says "What are you so happy about today John?"
"Well Dave... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me... tits out to here, Dave, tits out to here! She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat."
So I took her way out, Dave, way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!' She couldn't swim!!, Dave, she couldn't swim!!!!."
A couple days pass and Dave walks into a bar and sees John down there cryin over a beer.
Dave says "John, what are you so sad for?"
"Well Dave, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here, Dave, tits WAY out to here. I had more wood than my boat does. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "Sure you can have a ride in my boat."
So I took her way out, Dave, way WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'Its either screw or swim!!'.
Then, she pulled down her pants.... she had a dick, Dave !!!
She had a great BIG fuckin dick!!! ......... Dave, ..... I CAN'T SWIM!!.

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A fat bird came smiling up to me in a nightclub, put her hand on my groin and said, "Have a guess what I want in my mouth tonight?"
"I...I...I don't know?" I stuttered.
"I'll give you a clue," she laughed, "It has four letters and begins with 'C'"
"Oh, that's easy," I said, looking her up and down, "Cake.

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My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party.
So I invited a couple of her friends round, and made them all clean the house.