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  #3599  
Old 11-06-2015
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My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn.

I told her, I love my car but I still watch Formula 1 too.

She was happy with this analogy - I just never mentioned I also go to Hertz for the occasional rental.
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  #3600  
Old 11-06-2015
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This bloke in the pub said to me,
"F@r2k me, that was a rough old bitch you were with last night, not a patch on the women I normally see you with, what on Earth ever possessed to take her out? "
"I had to, " I replied, "it was our wedding anniversary. "...
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  #3601  
Old 11-06-2015
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Wife asked her husband for ten grand to get a gastric band fitted.He said "Here's a fiver, get a f@rkin padlock for the fridge".
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  #3602  
Old 11-06-2015
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layback40 View Post
Doc," I said, "every time I fart the room fills with smoke and stinks of petrol. What's the matter with me?"

"That's easy," he said. "You're exhausted."

Sounds like Bruggz trying to start his XJ [emoji38]
HEY! I resemble that remark. 😝

Sent from my FRED
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  #3603  
Old 11-06-2015
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Anna realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
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  #3604  
Old 11-06-2015
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I was sitting on a bus behind a mother and her young son. Her boy kept looking around and pulling funny faces at me.
After a few minutes, I tired of his antics, so I said, "When I was young, my mother told me that if I made an ugly face and the wind changed, I'd stay that way." The little shit replied, "Well, you can't say you weren't f@rking warned."
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  #3605  
Old 11-06-2015
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Cat falls into a puddle,the rooster begins to laugh.
The cat asks."What the hell are you laughing at?"
The rooster replied,"A wet pussy always makes a cock happy!".
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