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16-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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As the mother-in-law tucked into dinner at our place, she noticed the dog at her feet wagging his tail.
"Oh bless, is he pleased to see me?" she giggled.
"No love, don't mind him!" I said. "It's just you're eating off his plate!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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17-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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My friend asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his phone except 1 song.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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17-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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It would suck if the world ended today because I would never have found out who let the dogs out, the way to get to Sesame Street, why Dora doesn't just use Google maps, why we don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery", why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed, why "abbreviated" is such a long word, why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish washing liquid is made with real lemons, why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections, why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Why do you sit in the stands? Why do you drive in a parkway but park in a driveway? Why did Joanie love Chachi? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? Does the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star have the same tune? And why did you just try to sing those two previous songs? And just what is Victoria's secret? You see.... the world just has to keep going.....
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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17-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
‘I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!’
I put down my paper: ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’ ” 
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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17-05-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'. He says 'That's alright, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'. She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
17-05-2015
|
|
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
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My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house. So I did - the middle one.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
|
17-05-2015
|
|
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
|
|
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,809 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,596
Liked 6,565 Times in 4,348 Posts
|
|
A class 5 teacher asked her students to make rhymes with their names;
Sam:
My name is Sam,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to Russia and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can
Candy:
My name is Candy,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can
Dan:
My name is Dan.
When I grow up to be a man,
To hell with Russia and Japan
I m gonna help Candy with her plan
I know I can, I know I can, I know I can!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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