How tuff are Aussie blokes? - Page 971 - AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand


Go Back   AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand > GENERAL > Off Topic Chitchat


Portal Register Forums Trading Your Jeep New Garage Mark All Read

Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  #7761  
Old 19-07-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,329
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,641
Liked 6,086 Times in 4,019 Posts
Default

A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression “I presume”.
One little girl held up her hand and said:
“Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and I presumed that the dishwasher was broken.”
“Very good” said the teacher.
Another one said:
“This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage. I presume that the BMW wouldn't start.”
“That’s excellent” says the teacher.
Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says: “Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush, I presume that.......
”The teacher interrupted him and said,
“I stopped you because you have no idea what your grandfather was going to do, so you can’t presume anything.
”Johnny says, “Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence.”
The teacher says, “Very well. Continue.”
“As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm.
I presume he was going for a Shit because he can’t read.”
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #7762  
Old 19-07-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,329
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,641
Liked 6,086 Times in 4,019 Posts
Default

A teacher is explaining biology to her
4th class students. “Human beings are
the only animals that stutter,” she says.
Little Johnny raises his hand. “I had a
kitty-cat who stuttered,” he
volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious
some of these stories could become,
asked young Johnny to describe the
incident.
“Well,” he began, “I was in the back
yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler
that lives next door got a running start
and before we knew it, he jumped over
the fence into our yard!
“That must've been scary,” said the
teacher.
“It sure was!” said Johnny. “My kitty
raised his back, went ‘Fffff, Fffff, Fffff’…
and before he could say “Fuck”, the
Rottweiler ate him!”
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #7763  
Old 19-07-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,329
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,641
Liked 6,086 Times in 4,019 Posts
Default

A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey'......
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #7764  
Old 19-07-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,329
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,641
Liked 6,086 Times in 4,019 Posts
Default

Dustman calls to collect Dustbin. He knocks on the door and a Chinese man comes out. Where’s your bin...? Chinese man says I bin in the bedroom, Dustman says No where is your dust bin, Chinese man says I just told you I Dust bin in the bedroom. Dustman says NO where is your wheelie bin, Chinese man say ok I wheelie been having a wank.
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Sponsored Posts
  #7765  
Old 19-07-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,329
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,641
Liked 6,086 Times in 4,019 Posts
Default

I'm not saying it's rough where I live, but the local shop sells fathers day cards in packs of 5......
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #7766  
Old 19-07-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,329
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,641
Liked 6,086 Times in 4,019 Posts
Default

I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin it for everybody else.

Fucking referees.
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Sponsored Posts
  #7767  
Old 19-07-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,329
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,641
Liked 6,086 Times in 4,019 Posts
Default

Douglas was being evaluated for mental problems.
He was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?"
Douglas replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!"
The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?"
Douglas replied, "The same place you got that fucking train!
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #7768  
Old 19-07-2017
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is offline
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,329
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 3,641
Liked 6,086 Times in 4,019 Posts
Default

When I got home my wife had 2 of her friends round. "Here he is," she said. "We were just talking about having a foursome, if you're up for it?" She smiled and winked. Two minutes later, I appeared naked with my dick in my hand. They all had tennis rackets in theirs!
__________________
98&01XJ VMs,06 KJCRD,I no longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Post New Thread  Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


» Advertisements_AS2




Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.3



All times are GMT +10. The time now is 06:10 AM.




AJOR does not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of AJOR or any entity associated with AJOR, nor should any advice be substituted as technical advice replacing that of a mechanic. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use AJOR to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, religious, political or otherwise violative of any law. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by AJOR. The owner, administrators and moderators of AJOR reserve the right to delete any message or members for any or no reason whatsoever. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages, and you agree to indemnify and hold harmless AJOR, the administrators, moderators, and their agents with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your message(s). The use of profile signatures to intentionally mislead or misdirect any member on this forum is not acceptable and may result in your account being suspended. Any trip that is organised through the AJOR forum is participated at your own risk. If you or your vehicle is damaged it is your responsibility, not that of the person that posted the thread, message or topic initiating the trip, nor the organisers of AJOR or moderators of any specific forum. This forum and associated website is the property of AJOR.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

AJOR © 2002 - 2018 AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM. All corporate trademarked names and logos are property of their respective owners. Ausjeepoffroad is in no way associated with DaimlerChrysler Corporation or Fiat Jeep.
www.midlifemate.com wayalife.com jkwrangler.com ausjeepforum.com jk-forum.com canadianjeepoffroad.com cryptoprofitcalculator.net
vB Ad Management by =RedTyger=