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  #7865  
Old 10-09-2017
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HOW DID THE 7 DWARVES GET THEIR NAMES?
Miss Snow White was a randy cow,
And desperate for a fuck,
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck.
She'd almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage,
And went in for a poke.
Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she'd just removed her pants,
When seven dwarves came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.
Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven,
Originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.
Straight away she took command,
My fanny needs a lick!
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said -You'd better drop your pick.
So down he went onto all fours,
And said -I ain't licking that-,
Not there, that is my arse-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!-
The next dwarf started blushing,
Do we have to do it here?-
Snow White said -Don't be BASHFUL,
Unless you're a fucking queer-
So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big -Heigh-Ho-.
As she rode upon his tool.
Now one dwarf wasn't smiling.
Cos he hadn't had a sniff,
And due to his impatience,
He couldn't raise a stiff.
Relax- you GRUMPY bastard-,
So he did as he was told,
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fuckin load.
The next dwarf got a blow-job,
And she took him deep quite easy,
But she just avoided brain-damage,
When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.
With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
You're next, I want your knob!-
But no sooner had he entered her,
he was sleeping on the job.
Wake up you SLEEPY bastard-
She wanted more from him.
he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.
The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw,
A dazed Snow White then whimpered.
That should be against the law.-
He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
No wonder you're so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big dick-
With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said -You'll have to use your tongue,
My ******** can't take no more!-
So he put his tongue to work,
Where others had placed their **********,
And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last one DOC.
So there's the truth about the dwarves,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying Miss Snow White,
And joining in her games.
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  #7866  
Old 10-09-2017
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A blonde takes her car to a mechanic as its not running smoothly.
He checks it out and says, "Just shit in the air filter."
"OK!" She replies, "How often do I need to do that?"
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  #7867  
Old 11-09-2017
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Two smartly dressed young men just knocked on my door and told me "Jesus loves you" I said "That's really nice but the age gap worries me"
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  #7868  
Old 11-09-2017
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My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion!
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
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  #7869  
Old 11-09-2017
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My girlfriend bought a home waxing kit the other day. She asked me if she should just do the sides or leave a strip down the middle. I said I would prefer it if she didn't have a moustache at all.
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  #7870  
Old 11-09-2017
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A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!
The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's none of my business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina' ?"
The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina
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  #7871  
Old 11-09-2017
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My neighbour is always having a dig about my weight.
Today he said "How come your such a fat bastard?".
I said "Because every time i fuck your wife, she gives me a chocolate biscuit."
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  #7872  
Old 12-09-2017
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One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I
have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you
what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as
bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll
even let YOU decide who leaves."
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the
first room.
In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and
surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced
with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't
think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room.
In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did
was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in
constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on
the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does
best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I
can handle this."
The devil smiled and said...........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
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