How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

My wife goes out 3 evenings a week with her driving instructor.
I wouldn't mind but she passed her driving test in 1993.

[layback40]

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.

The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, the demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

[layback40]

I WAS DELIGHTED when the debt company I owe money to said they were going to send some bay leaves round to my house. They're absolutely my favourite herb, so I borrowed a few quid and knocked up a chicken biryani, ready to eat with them. Imagine my shock therefore when two fat skinhead thugs in suits turned up on my doorstep and walked off with my cooker. Bastards!..

[layback40]

A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his passage.

The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours.

So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.

Suddenly the man screams, "DAMN!"

"What's the matter?" asks the wife. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders!"

[layback40]

Three women are seated in the doctor's office waiting room one day.

The doctor calls the first one in. When he examines her, he sees a big "Y" on her chest. He asks, "Why do you have a big "Y" on your chest?"

She replies, "That's from my boyfriend's sweater. You see, my boyfriend went to Yale, and when we make love he likes to wear his Yale sweater."

"I see," the doctor says. He completes her examination and then calls in the next woman. When he examines her, he sees a big "H" on her chest.

Again, the doctor inquires about the letter. "How did you get a big "H" on your chest?" he asks.

The woman replies, "That's from my husband's sweater. He went to Harvard, and when we make love he likes to wear his Harvard sweater."

The doctor nods his head and completes her examination. He then calls in the last woman. She also has a letter on her chest, a big "M."

"Don't tell me," he says. "Your boyfriend went to Michigan!"

"No," she says. "My girlfriend went to Wisconsin."

[layback40]

Two men were talking one day.

"My wife asked me to buy Organic Vegetables from the produce market." said the first man.

"So were you able to find some?" the second man, asked.

"Well when I got to the market, I asked the gardener, 'These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any Poisonous Chemicals?"

"The Gardener said 'No, you'll have to do that yourself.'"

[layback40]

When your girlfriend picks a restaurant that is very expensive instead of the kebab shop.. , just say "Oh yeah, that's where that blonde with the big boobs works".