How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer.
Than the men who mention it..

New Zealand - the only country where you can get a great shag, a delicious hotpot and a warm jumper - and all from the same animal.

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Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. He releases Juan and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," says Juan.
The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.
This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"
Juan sips his beer and says,.... "Bicycles."

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A female bodybuilder goes to the doctor and says "doctor, ive taken so many steroids I've grown a penis"
Doctor asks "anabolic"?
Lady says "no,, just a penis"

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My wife was abducted by a gang of kidnappers who were demanding ten grand for her return.
On the phone they said, "If you don't pay by 9am tomorrow morning Pat with a 12 inch cock will help himself to your wife."
I replied, "Put her on so I know you have her."
My wife came on, " Pay the ********ing bastards I beg you, but leave it till half past nine!!.."

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A father walks into a book store with his son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney."

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Whilst adding the butter to some mashed potato earlier on my girlfriend said to me, 'you're just like a portion of butter'. "What', I replied, 'I'm creamy, soft, and make everything taste better?'...'No, she said... you're just a knob'.

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I got chatting to a bird called Miss Stone on a dating website...
"I feel awkward keep calling you Miss Stone." I wrote, "What's your first name?"
"Guess." she replied back.
"Okay," I wrote as I took another glance at her profile picture, "Is it Twenty?