How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A blonde woman started work in the Village chemist shop, she was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.
The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own.
She had to confide in him her worries about selling condoms.
"Look" he said "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they either ask for a 310 (small); a 320 (medium); or a 330 (large). The word condom is never mentioned".
The first day was fine, but on the second day a black guy came into the shop, put out his hand and said “350" please.
The girl panicked. She phoned the Chemist on his mobile and told him of her predicament.
"Go back in and check if he has a bucket hanging between his legs," her boss told her.
She peeped through the door, and saw the bucket hanging between the guy's legs.
"Yes!” she shouted down the phone "he's got one hanging there!”
The boss replied, "Well, go back in there and give him $3.50 ...he's the window cleaner!!..

[layback40]

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish.
The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food.
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs; I'll pull out one of yours.
You break one of its wings; I'll break one of your arms!"
The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it.
He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Your turn!!"

[layback40]

My wife treats me like a god...

She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.

[layback40]

A South Wales bus company says it will withdraw an advertising campaign which shows an attractive semi-naked woman on the back of buses holding a billboard which reads: "Ride me all day for £3".
Local prostitutes complained the advert was misleading as it depicted an unrealistic level of attractiveness and undercut their price by 25%!!..

[layback40]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[layback40]

Two aboriginal guys were in a bar talking, and one says to the other, "You
ever notice after you have sex with a white woman that your eyes burn, your
nose burns and you get all teary-eyed?"

The second aboriginal guy says, "Yeah, all the time."

The first one asked, "Why is that?"

The second says, "I'm pretty sure it's the pepper spray."

[Gearloose]

That one cracked me up!