How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where the f^ck I am now!!..

[layback40]

Douglas was being evaluated for mental problems.
He was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?"
Douglas replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!"
The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?"
Douglas replied, "The same place you got that ********ing train!!.

[layback40]

a mans been caught masturbating in a newsagents, apparently its all over the papers.

[layback40]

Some guy knocked on my door today and said, "I have a parcel for your next door neighbour."
I said, "You've got the wrong house then, mate."

[layback40]

Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said. 'I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.'
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, 'That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'
The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.
The others raised their eye brows and stared at her. The older woman finally said... 'Well, will you look at that...
I'm getting a fax!!..

[layback40]

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs!!..

[layback40]

I'm thinking about going out tonight...I haven't seen those blurry people that ask me how much I've had to drink for awhile!!..