How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

[bruggz351]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed towards a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped both hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. " Please allow me to help. I am a Physio- Therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you'd allow me." : Oh, No, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony lying in the fetal position, still clasping there at his groin. At her persisting however, he promptly allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to his side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and faithful massage for several long moments and asked, " How does that feel?" " Feels great," he replied; " But I still think my thumb's broken."

[layback40]

I went into a Chinese takeaway last night. The owner of the shop said, "What do you do for a riving?"
I said, "What do I do for a living? I'm a bit of a comedian."
So the Chinese chap says, "Go on then, change colour."
I said, "No! I'm not a chameleon, I'm a comedian."
So then he says, "Tell me a joke, make me raff."
I said, "You want me to tell you a joke and make you laugh?"
Just then his wok caught fire, so I said, "Wok! Wok!"
And he said, "Who der?"

[layback40]

Paddy is booking into a guest house and looking around the reception when he notices a sign on the wall.
He asks the owner, "What time do you get in?"
The owner looks confused and says, "Well, I'm the owner, I live here. Why do you ask?"
Paddy says, "Well, on that sign there it says, 'Guests have to be in before you!' "
The owner replies, "No, you feckin eejit It says, 'Guests must be in before 1 am.!!

[layback40]

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster
says "Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts sobbing "That's horrible!!! So many men dying that way!"
Confused, he says, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and
there is always that risk involved."
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a
Brazillion?"

[layback40]

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "

She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...

Wash, Iron, F---, Etc."

[bruggz351]

She was standing in the kitchen preparing our usual soft boiled eggs and toast for breakfast wearing only the "T" shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in almost awake she turned to me and said softly " you've got to make love to me this very moment." My eye lit as I thought " I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day. Not wanting to lose the moment I embraced her and then gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said "Thanks" and returned to the stove her "T " shirt still around her neck. Happy but a little puzzled, I asked "what was that all about?" She explained, " the egg timer is broken."