How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[WhiteMeat]

Originally Posted by layback40

The blowing a 15 yo escort joke is on here some where.

Probably only 5 odd pages back - its a cracker lol

[layback40]

Why do men die first?
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there's never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothin**g bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If SHE asks you, it's a favour.

If you appreciate the female form and sexy underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.
Why do men die first?
Because they ********ING want to!

[layback40]

In a Canberra Nursing home an old priest lay dying.
For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital.
He motioned for his nurse to come near. Yes, Father..? said the nurse.
I would really like to see Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd before I die..?, whispered the priest.
I’ll see what I can do, Father, repli...ed the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to the big place on the hill and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; Julia and Kevin would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they went to the hospital, Julia commented to Kevin, I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images.
Kevin agreed that it was the right thing to do at this time.
When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Julia’s hand in his right hand and Kevin's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.
The old priest slowly said: I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
Amen, said Julia
Amen, said Kevin
The old priest continued, Jesus died between two lying thieving bastards; and I would like to do the same.................

[layback40]

Mick and Paddy are hanging out for a beer and they only have 2 bucks between them, so Paddy comes up with an idea. They go into the butcher shop and buy a sausage, then they go into the bar and order 2 beers and sculled them down, before the barman could ask them for the money Paddy pulled down his zip and hung the sausage out while Mick got down on his knees and started sucking on the sausage. The barmen screamed get the ******** out of here you dirty pair of ********s. Then off to the next bar to do it again, well several pubs later they were staggering up the road and Mick says I don't know if I can keep doing this Paddy my knees are killing me, and Paddy says you think that's bad I lost the sausage two pubs ago!....

[layback40]

Paddy comes home and finds his best mate Mick on top of his wife with his head between her tits.
"What the ******** are you doing, Mick?" Paddy asked.
"I'm listening to some music," Micks replies.
Paddy then tells Mick to let him have a listen.
Paddy gets on top of his wife, puts his heads between her tits and says, "I can't hear any music!"
Mick says, "Dat's 'cos you're not plugged in!"

[layback40]

Today i found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in. Now she has made a formal complaint and i have been banned from the gym.

[layback40]

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"