How tuff are Aussie blokes? - Page 978 - AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand

layback40 · #**6840** 05-10-2016

As we grow older, and hence wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $1,000 or a $10 watch - - they both tell the same time. Whether we carry a $500 or a $50 wallet/handbag - - the amount of money inside is the same. Whether we drink a bottle of $100 or $10 wine - - the hangover is the same. Whether the house we live in is 100 or 1,000 sq meters...-- loneliness is the same.

You will realize, your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world.

Therefore, I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sung songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth - - That is true happiness!!

SIX UNDENIABLE FACTS OF LIFE:

1. Don't educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price.

2: Best awarded words: "Eat your food as your medicines. Otherwise you have to eat medicines as your food."

3: The One who loves you will never leave you because even if there are 100 reasons to give up he or she will find one reason to hold on.

4: There is a big difference between a human being and being human. Only a few really understand it.

5. You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, You have to manage!

6: If you just want to Walk Fast, Walk Alone! But if you want to Walk Far, Walk Together!

SIX BEST DOCTORS IN THE WORLD:

1. Sunlight
2. Rest
3. Exercise
4. Diet
5. Self Confidence and
6. Friends

Maintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy a healthy life.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

layback40 · #**6841** 05-10-2016

A blond woman goes to the hospital.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina."
The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear,
they're the stickers off the bananas"

layback40 · #**6842** 05-10-2016

I was trying to get home in time for the football, but I was being held up by a learner driver. She was driving very slowly and kept stalling.
"Come on, you stupid cow!" I shouted. "Get a move on!"
She started crying and said it would be her last lesson with me...

layback40 · #**6843** 05-10-2016

My wifes sister knocked me out yesterday. I was fuckin livid. What kind of sick bitch puts chloroform on her dirty knickers?

layback40 · #**6844** 05-10-2016

Night Out With The Guys!

Randy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddies.

He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.

As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.Managing not to yell, Randy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.In the morning, Randy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, ‘You were drunk again last night, weren’t you?’

Randy said, ‘Why would you say such a mean thing?’

‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

layback40 · #**6845** 05-10-2016

I saw my mate Bill this morning, he's only got one arm bless him.
I shouted - "Where you off to, Bill?"
He said, "I'm off to change a light bulb."
Well I just cracked up, couldn't stop laughing, then said,
"That's gonna be a bit awkward isn't it?"
"Not really", he said, "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."

layback40 · #**6846** 05-10-2016

Female aliens have invaded the planet and are kidnapping men with big **********.Obviously some of you out there are not in danger, but i'm just letting you know this space ship is fuckin awesome!...