How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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I'm sure theres a bouncy castle inside our local mosque, everytime I go past theres always a load of shoes outside.

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A young lady walks into a supermarket and on her way round she sees the chap who'd had his wicked way with her the previous evening, after they had met in a club.
He was stacking washing powder boxes on the shelves.
"You lying bastard!" she shouts," last night you told me you were a stunt pilot!"
"No," he says, "I told you I was a member of the Ariel display team."

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Well IT'S OFFICIAL!!!! I have some AMAZING but at the same time shocking news!!!! I'M EXPECTING!!!! A little under 13 weeks and counting! I know, I'm shocked too. I can hardly believe it myself. I wasn't going to post it on Facebook but since you are all my family and friends, I wanted to make it official. I'm too overwhelmed to keep it a secret!!!! Who would have guessed that me of all people would be expecting already!! But I am!! I'm expecting Santa in just 13 weeks!!! Re-post if you have a sense of humor...

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A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items!"

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

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A mature lady in her sixties goes to the doctors and complains of a discharge he tells her to undress and lay on the couch then he proceeds to put two fingers into her Vagina and feel about the opens it wide with two fingers and shines his pen torch into it he asks her how does that feel? she replied bloody marvellous but the discharge is in my ear..

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Bank Robber

After a long two-week criminal trial in a high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge.

The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"

"Yes, your honor," the foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."

"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude.

The defendant's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?"

The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to return the money?"

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At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.

No woman, said one man, scornfully, can keep a secret.

I don’t know about that, answered a blonde woman guest.

I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.

You’ll let it out some day, the man insisted.

I hardly think so responded the blonde lady.

When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.