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13-05-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Here are some favourites.
• Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas.
• Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes.
• Had a new guy conduct a
“boom test” on a howitzer by yelling “Boom!” down the tube in order to “calibrate” it.
• Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can).
-I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighbourhood kids.
-I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won’t come when I call him.
-“Don’t worry; I’ll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends.” - Cargo Shorts
-I admit that I live in the past, but only because housing is so much cheaper.
-There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.
-My kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers.
-You’re sending me something via fax? What is it, an important document from 1993?
Questions to ponder
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...
Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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13-05-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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A couple of Jehovah's witnesses just knocked on my door.
I asked, "Is it true you people don't believe in blood transfusions?"
One if them said "That's correct sir."
I said "That's a shame."
The other one said "Why do you say that?"
I said "Because if you bang on my door again at 8.30am on a Sunday morning you're both going to need one."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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13-05-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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An Ice Cream van just pulled up outside and my wife said, "Can you buy me one?"
The stupid cow can't even drive!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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13-05-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life clearly has never had 2 chocolate bars fall down at once from a vending machine..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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13-05-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.
"What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you?" he asked.
"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman.
"In your sleep, you felt my ta-tas and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"
"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver. "Nothing, but then you felt my p*ssy and yelled, 'who the hell left the garage door open?'"
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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13-05-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."
Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!"
"They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell.
"Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves.
"They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!"
"Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they ask.
"They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell.
"They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell.
"Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster. "What do they call them?" they ask in unison. Miss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush, "Why when I caught my breath, I called him Precious."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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20-05-2016
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DetroitDemon
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Casino
Posts: 4,801 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 5,510
Liked 1,325 Times in 717 Posts
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Viagra ingredient list, released...
* Vitamin E 3%
* Aspirin 2%
* Ibuprofen 2%
* Vitamin C 1%
* Spray Starch 5%
* Fix-A-Flat 87%
Sent from my HTC_0PJA10 using Tapatalk
__________________
Last edited by bruggz351; 20-05-2016 at 08:57 PM.
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