How tuff are Aussie blokes?

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The mechanic was just finishing the blondes car service when he said to the apprentice,
"Just pass me the lubricant will you please Tim. "
"Oh dear, " said the watching blonde, "can't I just pay cash!!..

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One night my wife and I were going out for the night and the baby sitter told us to take as long as we liked.
that was five years ago. I hope the bitch is enjoying being a f@rking parent!!..

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Two labotory test rabbits escape and run into the nearby woods , after a few days one rabbit says" it's great to feel free again" the other rabbit says" I'm going back ,I'm dying for a ciggi..

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A man came home from work and found his 5 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found …an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel… She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’ She again smiled and answered, ‘You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?…
”Yes,” was his incredulous reply..
She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.

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Every woman has this in her wardrobe, no matter what the wardrobe size or how many wardrobes she has.
It's called Nothing To Wear!!..

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A Tassie girl is talking to a guy. He says 'how many kids do you have?'
She replies 'ten, they're all called Dylan'
'Doesn't that get confusing' he asks.
'No I just shout 'Dylan, go to bed, Dylan get ready for school etc'.
'But what if you want to speak to them individually?'
'Ah, then I use their surnames!'...

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There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, “Now listen, when I die I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I want to take all my money to the afterlife.”
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to their best friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait a minute!”
She had a shoebox with her. She came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket and rolled it away. Her friend said, “I hope you weren’t crazy enough to put all that money in there with that stingy old man.” She said, “Yes, I promised. I’m a good Christian, I can’t lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”
“You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?” “I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check.”