How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".

One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
"After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!..

[layback40]

I've noticed, if you're scared of spiders they always turn up in your bedroom.
Using that logic... I'm scared of blonde girls with big boobs.

[layback40]

So what did everybody get for Christmas then? My family clubbed together to buy me a voucher for some clinic in Switzerland, although it looks like they could only afford a one way flight

[layback40]

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help.

One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.

The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.

Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"

The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"

"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the frickin' goalie."

[layback40]

3 nuns die and all go up to heaven the guy at the gates, St Peter, stops them and says u must each answer one question correctly before u can enter.

He asked the first nun who were the first people to live on earth?

The nun answered Adam and eve. That is correct u may enter said St peter.

He asked the second nun where did they live?

Garden of Eden replied the second nun. Yes you may enter said St Peter.

Then he asked to the 3rd nun since you are the mother superior (head nun) your question is going to be a bit harder.

What was the first thing eve said to Adam?

The 3rd nun thought for a long time then said hmmm..... That's a hard one.

Well done, said St Peter, that's correct you may enter!

[layback40]

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, so he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns, ... how about leaving me your Rolex watch instead, the grandson insisted."

The grandpa on hearing this gets a bit pissed and says "You lissin to me. Somma day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambini. Am I right?"

"Yes grandpa, I guess so."

"Ok, so soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say, ... TIMES UP!"

[layback40]

I've taken all the decorations down, thrown the tree in the garden and finished off the last of the Christmas food. Better leave this house quickly before the owners get home!