How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis. His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.
"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"

[dom83]

Originally Posted by layback40

India Alpha Mike Bravo Oscar Romeo Echo Delta... Charlie Alpha November Yankee Oscar Uniform Tango Echo Lima Lima?[emoji23]

YankeEchoSiera


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[layback40]

Well IT'S OFFICIAL!!!! I have some AMAZING but at the same time shocking news!!!! I'M EXPECTING!!!! A little under 15 weeks and counting! I know, I'm shocked too. I can hardly believe it myself. I wasn't going to post it on Facebook but since you are all my family and friends, I wanted to make it official. I'm too overwhelmed to keep it a secret!!!! Who would have guessed that me of all people would be expecting already!! But I am!! I'm expecting Santa in just 15 weeks!!

[layback40]

My WiFi and Internet was down yesterday.
So I chatted to my Wife for a change.
*
And I was surprised to learn, that she doesn't work for "Woolworths", anymore.

[SeaComms]

Copied from a Drone forum...

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot)

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky. (From an old carrier sailor)

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up,...the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; ...it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down. (Ernest K. Gann, author &aviator)

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and, a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but surely someone who's been there)

-If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal




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[layback40]

I've just bought a new dog, a golden labrador called Willy.
I don't even like dogs, I just like asking girls if they'd like to stroke my Willy.

[layback40]

An Irish man went to confession in St Patrick's Catholic Church.
'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession... I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.'
The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go and say three Hail Mary's'
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional.
'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.'
This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Fanny Green?'
'A new woman in the neighbourhood,' the sinner replied.
'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous red-headed woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she walked up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly, just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Fanny Green?'
The altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply
'No Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes'