Jokes

[Barefoot]

muahahahaaa,rofl at that one Wen


The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and
we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was
good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was
"fascinated. "The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you
to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him. Johnny said, "My
aunt Gina has a shirt with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can
only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried

[wendaloo]

roflmao, I just cried laughing!

[cmohr]

A Chicken and an Egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is sitting back, smiling and smoking a cigerette.

The Egg with a gruppy look on it's face, sitting there beside the chicken..

"Well.....That answers that question" the Egg mumbles to itself.

[silver_jk]

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day on the day that you died.

The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died"

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy!

Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he Fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first heavy thing I could get my hands on to throw at him Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him!
The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly." The Angel sat back and thought a moment.
Technically, the guy did have a bad day,it was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise, it was George W. Bush." Mr. Bush, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died." George said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of a 26th floor apartment where we were staying for a conference doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side!
Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away.
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as George finishes his story.
"I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets George enter.

A few seconds later, Shane Warne comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Memories of the Cricket Legend pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says, "Mr Warne , please tell me what it was like the day you died."

Shane says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked and inside a refrigerator......"

[Barefoot]

What did the bee say when it left the hive?










"I'll bee back"


What did the bee say when it got back to the hive?



















"Honey I'm home"

muahahahaa

[xjrob]

Not sure who she is .

but she claims she knows you!

[xjrob]

Every once in a while you run into a genius.