Jokes

[wendaloo]

Originally Posted by kimamigo

What's in a name?

The medal winning Olympic runner, Picabo (pronounced Peek-A-Boo), is
not just an athlete, she is a nurse.
She currently works in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of large South
African metropolitan hospital. However, she is not permitted to answer
the telephone while she is at work.
It simply caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone
and say: "Picabo, ICU"

Oh that is bad!

[OzJeeper]

Subject: The importance of walking

-Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
- My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the heck she is.
- The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
- I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
- I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
- The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
- If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

[Tasar]

An old Greek man lived alone in Marrickville. He wanted to dig his tomato
garden, but it was hard work for his advanced years as the ground was very
hard.

His only son, Spiro, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Spiro,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my
tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the
plot for me.
Love Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Don't dig up the garden. That's where I buried the bodies.
Love Spiro

At 4 A.M. The next morning, Federal agents and NSW Police arrived and dug up
the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man
and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the
circumstances.
Love Spiro

[Nobody]

Haha, that's a good one!

[Mooreyfiveo]

WHY MEN HAVE BETTER FRIENDS


Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's
10 best friends. None of them knew about it.



Friendship between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that
he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's
10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and
two claimed that he was still there.

[Nobody]

Two blonde girls were talking and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was. So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful."Well, once a week I fill the bathtub with milk and just soak in it."

So the blonde went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."

"How much?" asked the farmer.

"Well, quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."

He asked, "Pasteurized?"

"No...just up to my boobies."

[Nobody]

Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, ‘That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?’

Kathy takes a sniff and replies, ‘That is nice. What's it called?’

‘Viens a moi,’ replies Nancy.

‘Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?’

At this stage the assistant offers some help. ‘Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French.’

Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, ‘That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?’