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  #6980  
Old 15-11-2016
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Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, half pound butter, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit 4 cups self raising fl
our.
Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the
bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the fekin window. Finish of the Vodka and wipe the counter with the fekin cat.
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  #6981  
Old 15-11-2016
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An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day
of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did
it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that
you just served?"
The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls
testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on
vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per
day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early
tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next day, the American returned, placed his order, and then that
evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called
to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much
smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins!!!"
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  #6982  
Old 15-11-2016
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We're so skint at the moment that I had to get my wife to sell one of her kidneys just to pay for Christmas this year.

If things get anymore worse I might have to cancel Sky Sports..
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  #6983  
Old 15-11-2016
oldon  oldon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by layback40 View Post
Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, half pound butter, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit 4 cups self raising fl
our.
Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the
bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the fekin window. Finish of the Vodka and wipe the counter with the fekin cat.
Sounds like my cake making days LB. I don't have a cat anymore, baked him.
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  #6984  
Old 17-11-2016
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NZ has always been more environmentally aware than us. I see they are taking a positive action to combat rising sea levels!

New Zealand quake lifted seabed by 2m
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  #6985  
Old 17-11-2016
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She wears my t-shirt to bed. She wears my jacket when she's cold. She'll even wear my boxers.
But when I wear her panties one fucking time, I have 'serious mental issues' and I have 'overstepped my boundaries'.
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  #6986  
Old 18-11-2016
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1. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and
make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both

2. !" OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

3. "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your
pacemaker opens the garage door.

4. "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of
your face.

5. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

6. "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

7. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

8. "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in
the parking lot.

9. "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all nighter" means not getting up to
pee...
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