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01-09-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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An Aussie ventriloquist is on holidays in New Zealand, while driving around he comes across a farmer working on a fence he stops and asks the farmer if he can have a chat with his animals, the kiwi looks up and says my animals can't talk but feel free, so the Aussie says to his dog hey mate how yah going the dog responds yeah good then the Aussie asks how's he treat you, the dog responds yeah good he feeds me good food, gives me a nice warm bed. Well the kiwi farmer is blown away by this, then the Aussie asks his horse how he likes living here ? The horse replies yeah good, when he's finished talking with the horse he turns to have a chat with a sheep standing close by, just as he's about to start with the sheep the kiwi interrupts and says don't talk to him he's a f@rking liar !
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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01-09-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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Some People remind me of an Old TV set...
You have to Thump them a few times before they get the Picture!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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01-09-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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was showing my doctor the rash on my knob today. He seemed pretty uncomfortable and didnt want to touch it. He just said make an appointment at the surgery tomorrow and then walked off with his family & carried on shopping.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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01-09-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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You can tell a lot about a woman by her Hands....
For Instance, If they are around your Throat, she is Probably Mad!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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01-09-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra.
A boy is grown up when he starts removing it....!!
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We all love to spend lots of money buying new clothes but we never realise that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes....!
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Having a cold drink on hot day with few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks - PRICELESS....!
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Breaking news: Condoms don't
guarantee safe sex anymore! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband....!!
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Arguing over a girls breast size is like choosing between Kingfisher, Fosters, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available....!!
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Why Can’t Anybody Satisfy A Woman Completely....?
Because Nobody Has A Dick Made Of Gold, Decorated With Diamonds And Ejaculates Cash....!!
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Why Did Newton Commit Suicide....?
Because He Saw A Complete Naked Girl, And Observed Something Going Up In His Pant, Against His Own Laws Of Gravity....!!
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Why Are Vegetarian Women Silent During Sex....?
They Are In State Of Shock That A Piece Of Meat Can pleasure them!!..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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01-09-2015
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Just Real Jeeps Club
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Brisbane
Posts: 1,594 What Jeep do I drive?: CJ
Likes: 3
Liked 80 Times in 46 Posts
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The Dead Pig
Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning.
It was a fine spring day in his new parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was . . . a pig lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
“ And the best of the day te yerself.
This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church.
There's a pig lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father.
He replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a moment . . . .. . ... ..........
Father O'Malley then replied:
"Aye,' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call."
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01-09-2015
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,839 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,611
Liked 6,577 Times in 4,355 Posts
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When i see names on trees, I don't think it cute
Actually it astounds me how many people take Knives on Dates!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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