How tuff are Aussie blokes? - Page 946 - AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand

Go Back   AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM Jeep News Australia and New Zealand > GENERAL > Off Topic Chitchat
Register Forums Trading Your Jeep New Garage Mark All Read

Post New Thread  Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  #6616  
Old 08-03-2016
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is online now
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
Default

The results of a survey out today say 63% of people say manners are not as good as they used to be.
The other 37% told the researcher to ******** off.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Likes: (2)
  #6617  
Old 13-03-2016
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is online now
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
Default

A woman with fag in in her mouth just came up to me, and said have you got a light cock ?? I said well it floats in the bath luv..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #6618  
Old 13-03-2016
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is online now
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
Default

Always drive in your dressing gown and slippers.
If you cause a car crash, you can pose as a witness from a nearby house!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
  #6619  
Old 14-03-2016
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is online now
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
Default

Bungee Jumping In Mexico

Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day.

Al says to Joe, "you know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."

Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.

As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble.

Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work.

When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

So Al jumps.

He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces again and comes back up again.

This time he is bruised and bleeding.

Again Joe misses him, Al falls again and bounces back up.

This time he comes back pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily Joe catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd...

WHAT THE HECK IS A PI NATA?
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Likes: (1)
  #6620  
Old 14-03-2016
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is online now
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
Default

BUGGED
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington.

The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?"

The groom says "I'll look for a bug."

He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the
rug

"AHA!"

Under the rug was a disc with four screws.

He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws
them and the disc out the window.

The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How
was your room?", "How was the service?", "How was your stay
at the Watergate Hotel?"

The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?"

The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER you complained of the chandelier falling on them."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Likes: (1)
  #6621  
Old 14-03-2016
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is online now
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
Default

Buying A Bra

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's.

He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,

"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.".

"What type of bra?", asked the clerk.

"Type?", inquired the man "There is more than one type?".

"Look Around.", said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras
in every shape, size color and material.

"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only
three types of bras.", replied the salesclerk.

Confused, the man asked,

"Only three? What are they?".

The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army
type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?".

Still confused the man asked

"What is the difference between them?".

The lady responded

"It is quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the
Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type
makes mountains out of mole hills.".
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Likes: (2)
  #6622  
Old 18-03-2016
layback40's Avatar
layback40  layback40 is online now
Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781
What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
Default

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.

What do you call a wet bear? A drizzly bear.

Where do Volkswagens go when their old? The Old Volks Home.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta

A magician tells the begins to count for his disappearing trick: “Uno, dos …” He disappears without a tres.

I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day.

How do snails fight? They slug it out.

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.

I might have an open casket funeral... Remains to be seen.

Where does Frosty keep his cash? In the snow banks.

What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers? A nervous wreck.

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe dammit, BREATHE!

You hear the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water? No? Well, well, well....
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
Likes: (2)
Post New Thread  Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On





All times are GMT +10. The time now is 03:05 PM.


Advertisements




AJOR does not vouch for or warrant the accuracy, completeness or usefulness of any message, and are not responsible for the contents of any message. The messages express the views of the author of the message, not necessarily the views of AJOR or any entity associated with AJOR, nor should any advice be substituted as technical advice replacing that of a mechanic. You agree, through your use of this service, that you will not use AJOR to post any material which is knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, religious, political or otherwise violative of any law. You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by AJOR. The owner, administrators and moderators of AJOR reserve the right to delete any message or members for any or no reason whatsoever. You remain solely responsible for the content of your messages, and you agree to indemnify and hold harmless AJOR, the administrators, moderators, and their agents with respect to any claim based upon transmission of your message(s). The use of profile signatures to intentionally mislead or misdirect any member on this forum is not acceptable and may result in your account being suspended. Any trip that is organised through the AJOR forum is participated at your own risk. If you or your vehicle is damaged it is your responsibility, not that of the person that posted the thread, message or topic initiating the trip, nor the organisers of AJOR or moderators of any specific forum. This forum and associated website is the property of AJOR. No user data is harvested and no information supplied in your registration will be sold for profit.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

AJOR © 2002 - 2024 AUSJEEPOFFROAD.COM. All corporate trademarked names and logos are property of their respective owners. Ausjeepoffroad is in no way associated with DaimlerChrysler Corporation or Fiat Jeep.
www.ausjeep.com www.ausjeep.com.au www.midlifemate.com ausjeepforum.com www.r9kustoms.com
vB Ad Management by =RedTyger=