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08-03-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
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The results of a survey out today say 63% of people say manners are not as good as they used to be.
The other 37% told the researcher to ******** off.
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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13-03-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
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A woman with fag in in her mouth just came up to me, and said have you got a light cock ?? I said well it floats in the bath luv..
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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13-03-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
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Always drive in your dressing gown and slippers.
If you cause a car crash, you can pose as a witness from a nearby house!
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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14-03-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
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Bungee Jumping In Mexico
Al and Joe are bungee-jumping one day.
Al says to Joe, "you know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."
Joe thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.
As they are constructing the tower a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them work.
When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.
So Al jumps.
He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, Joe notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Joe isn't able to catch him, and he falls again, bounces again and comes back up again.
This time he is bruised and bleeding.
Again Joe misses him, Al falls again and bounces back up.
This time he comes back pretty messed up. He's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily Joe catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Al gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine. It was the crowd...
WHAT THE HECK IS A PI NATA?
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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14-03-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
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BUGGED
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington.
The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?"
The groom says "I'll look for a bug."
He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the
rug
"AHA!"
Under the rug was a disc with four screws.
He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws
them and the disc out the window.
The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How
was your room?", "How was the service?", "How was your stay
at the Watergate Hotel?"
The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?"
The hotel manager says "Well, the room UNDER you complained of the chandelier falling on them."
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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14-03-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
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Buying A Bra
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's.
He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.".
"What type of bra?", asked the clerk.
"Type?", inquired the man "There is more than one type?".
"Look Around.", said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras
in every shape, size color and material.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only
three types of bras.", replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked,
"Only three? What are they?".
The saleslady replied "The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army
type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?".
Still confused the man asked
"What is the difference between them?".
The lady responded
"It is quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the
Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type
makes mountains out of mole hills.".
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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18-03-2016
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Grumpy Old XJ Dsl Owner
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Victoria
Posts: 13,781 What Jeep do I drive?: XJ
Likes: 4,579
Liked 6,550 Times in 4,342 Posts
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Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time consuming.
What do you call a wet bear? A drizzly bear.
Where do Volkswagens go when their old? The Old Volks Home.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
A magician tells the begins to count for his disappearing trick: “Uno, dos …” He disappears without a tres.
I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day.
How do snails fight? They slug it out.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
I might have an open casket funeral... Remains to be seen.
Where does Frosty keep his cash? In the snow banks.
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers? A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe dammit, BREATHE!
You hear the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water? No? Well, well, well....
__________________
98&01XJVMs,06&07KJCRD's,No longer question authority,I annoy it.More effect,less effort.10000Club
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