How tuff are Aussie blokes?

[layback40]

The stuck up cow next door to me said,"I think it's ridiculous that you make your son walk the 2miles to school,you should drive him there,you don't know how many weirdo's could be out there!..I said."He's 10 yrs old goes to a Catholic school,and is looked after by priests....The walk to school is the least of his problems...

[layback40]

here was a fly flying 6 inches above a lake.
A fish in the lake thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches I'd get it."
A bear on land thinks, "If that fly dropped 6 inches, the fish would jump out of the water, and I'd get it."
A hunter nearby thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear will go to get the fish, and I'll shoot the bear."
A mouse watching thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, and I'll steal the cheese off his sandwich."
A cat in hiding thinks, "If that fly drops 6 inches, the fish would jump, the bear would go to get the fish, the hunter will go to get the bear, the mouse will go get the cheese, and I'll get that mouse."
Suddenly, it all happened..
The fly dropped 6 inches, the fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter got the bear, the mouse got the hunter's cheese, but the cat missed the mouse and fell in the water..
The moral of this story is..
"Every time a fly drops 6 inches, a pussy gets wet!!..

[layback40]

The landlord at my local pub announced there's going to be a hefty cash prize for this years best costume for Halloween.
Last year my wife won it and she only f@rking came to pick me up.

[layback40]

A husband and wife entered the dentist's room. He said, "I want a tooth pulled. We are in a hurry - so no Novocain or gas. Just pull the tooth out."
" You are a brave man,” said the dentist. "Now show me the tooth"
"Open your mouth,” said the man to his wife "and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

[layback40]

Did you here about the blonde who bought a pair of water skis?
She's still looking for a lake with a slope!!..

[layback40]

Remember, women always have the last word in an argument.
Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

[layback40]

I'm on a health kick. I've decided to stop using the drive-through at McDonald's.
I'm going to park the car and walk in.